Imagine if sharks could walk on land...scary.
I don't know. The next thing I remember we were in the walmart parking lot making out.
I don't know the quality of the hand jobs you've received in the past but it CLEARLY was not one from me
I found his retainer in my ass crack. It smells like shame.
TO ALL WHO WERE IN MY HOUSE LAST NIGHT: WHOEVER STOLE MY BONG AND PUT IT ON THE ROOF WILL BE PAYING MY HOSPITAL BILL FROM LAST NIGHT.. AND BUYING ME A NEW, SWEETER BONG.
he came in the room wearing gloves & rapping while eating a corndog
knight in shining armor
Finals drinking + forgeting you had to take your ambien because you work at 6am mid paper= drunk logic which then entails going on a "detox" run. Puking your guts put in the field house bushes while some random guy says to you "its okay. We're marching on."
He was stoned laying on my bed singing I'm a little tea cup while I took a pregnancy test. Thank god it was negative.
I'm pretty sure our sex is better than most foods and that says a lot too bc I really like food
You have the most beautiful penis I've ever seen. I never thought penises were meant to be beautiful, but you proved me wrong
Would you by any chance know if there is a proper protocol for traveling with one's vibrator? I wouldn't want the TSA to rip open my suitcase in front of my boss.
When he said he lived in a closet I thought he meant his room was really small or something... But he actually has a queen size mattress on the floor of his roomates walk-in closet.
I can't believe you tried to cock block me from A DIFFERENT TIME ZONE.
she just punched him in the balls in front of everyone and yelled "YOU SEE WHAT YOU MADE ME DO"
i keep smelling vagina and donuts, which pretty much sumarises this morning. happy birthday.
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