Sorry I sent so many blank messages. My hands are slippery. Don't ask why.
The cop was more concerned with the fact I had cowboy boots on with shorts than the fact we were under age
Smoked a joint and chugged some pepto. Feeling a lil better... Not sure which is working..... Gonna keep doing both.....
Maybe tomorrow I'll be drunk again and can provide you with texts at a more reasonable hour. Here's hoping. GOodnight. Tebow loves you
Excuse me hold on, hooking up with someone who is verified on twitter is like being important.
Please, take the 2 shots of vodka that I left as an apologie.
You should come by for the fire station blow job tour
I was puking in the bathroom when my fake tooth fell off of my retainer so I just walked out of the bar and didn't say goodbye to my date
You called me at 3 am laughing like an idiot. Apparently you consider breaking out of the hospital to be a lifetime achievement.
I was looking up travel destinations and somehow I ended up reading Paul's first letter to the Corinthians. I need to start going to church high...
Just cried to my husband about how much I'm going to miss my boyfriend... Maybe marriage is going to work for me after all
You got banned for life from a $30 a night motel. What are you doing with your life?
What should've been a 10 minute beer run turned into her having a 40 minute mental breakdown in my car while in the parking lot. She then asked if she could live at my house and be my girlfriend. Her finishing act was stealing my peanut m&m's.
Well, when a girl introduces herself as "stormy" and gets your number from her boyfriends phone, I'd say that your situation is to be expected.
Lol I'm just saying its too early for your penis, I can accept it but at a more decent hour
A lady played my boobs as if they were drums. It's been that kinda night.
Randomize
