New word for getting laid so we don't sound like whores in public when we are talking about it : stamp the passport
nailed a girl as she was wearing a darth vader shirt. Cross that one off my list.
I was eating out this girl yesterday and when I finished, she asked me if I wanted to take any home with me. She was serious, dude!
What does that even mean?
She looks like an uncircumcised penis in a hat.
my passenger side seat is covered in alcoholic jello with a nude mannequin in it
I'm sorry. We set two Christmas trees on fire. Also the neighbor's yard. Also ours.
i woke up to the sound of my roommate climbing onto my desk mumbling that she was going to bed
says the girl that drank her shots like they were in a dog bowl
Congratulations, you fucked a nickle into me.
You convinced us both to take shots of jack Daniels through our eyes.
Three guys came up to me at the bar and started dancing on me, while screaming "Johnson's girl." That's the last time I sleep with a freshmen.
We can just chill or day drink or smoke or watch law and order marathon or play just dance 4 or watch a movie or go to the movies or play hide and seek or hug, so many options
I'm jealous that you can use my boobs as pillows & I can't.
She texted me this morning asking why all of her house pillows were inside her mini-van.
So thats where i built my buckingham palace
I'm going to blow a ton of money on sex toys just so I can tell you to do better than them.
Randomize
