how much land on farmville do you have now? i sold all my shit to make room i need more money... these animals need to know I'm running a business not a charity.
Almost accidentally stole a baby... explain later
I just washed champagne and tuna off my body. I feel like that was a successful shower.
Random girl at this party just gave me a lap dance in a la-Z-boy. Night significantly improved.
Think I just saw your homeless guy on High Street. Did you give him back his crutch?
She keeps telling me I can't keep feeding the dog my food. I gave half the weed brownie to the dog and half to me. I just want it to taste the greatness of cheezits like I am.
It's called "lets see how many European capitals we can do the walk of shame through in one year"
Just purchased ketchup, body wash, and lube. Hope you're ready for the post-memorial-day-cookout-shower-anal.
You have my approval. I will dance and throw skittles at your funeral.
He just stared me dead in the eye as he continued to beat off. Then said "you were going to catch me sooner or later".
He just showed up. He's like 5'8 and brought a beer pong table that has " I love gay boys" on it. How could this go wrong
As a plus, I've lost 5 pounds in two days, so "party all weekend" is officially a valid diet plan.
idk about you, but when i sext i just hit em with the "yo lets bang" text
I got inside last night via doggy door
My mom wants to name our new dog the same name as my fuck buddy. This will be weird
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