Is it bad that when I see ugly people make out, I hope he's impotent?
is this the only place in the world where you can get shot on one side of town, and have to stop for cows crossing the street on the other side?
woke up and her hair clip was clamped around my shaft
I'm surprised you like me... I didn't think I was your type.
Blonde hair and big tits is every guys type.
what has two thumbs and is going to bang you boss on monday?
you know it's time to start studying when you've procrastinated to the point where you're reading your roommate's ex-boyfriend's wall posts from 2006.
Oh, I'm just lighting tennis balls and WD-40 on fire, what are YOUUU doing?!
Evidently I told a girl she should leave the bar because no one wanted to fuck her.
After so many times of carrying your puked covered clothes home in a bag on a Tuesday morning, you begin to realize that Fucked Up Mondays aren't a real thing.
Next sat night Titanic party. Bring your floaties, trashy necklaces, and a large lung capacity. This ship is going downnnnnnn.
We have to have sex twice when i get back. I miss you sex, and thank god the nhl lockout is over sex. I will happily let you wear your sharks jersey during it and i will wear my ducks jersey, and it will be mad rivalry sex.
Dude. Stop sending me lines from Hungry Like the Wolf
dude, i just accidentally flashed your mom. BIG TIME.
The first crop top of the year and you're rocking it in the ER. #ratchet
What is my life?
Guess who just stumbled into work hungover, wearing yesterday's clothes, covered in hickeys and glitter, and carrying a giant bottle of rum in her purse.
I just took plan B at work.
This is the greatest story of all time.
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