Yeah we had sex for the first time last night and all the text he sent me afterwards said was “heh”
Just think, the more you drink, the more options you'll have of people you want to hook up with.
i wore my purity necklace wen we fucked. but its ok cuz simplified was blasting in the background
hahahaha. im glad listening to simplified justifies breaking ur promise to god
remind me to tell you about the ham sandwich empire im building
this kid at 40 friday greeted another kid by saying "heeey farmville neighbor"
dude.
yep. needless to say i didn't meet anyone and spent yet another friday night masturbating.
Just heard this lady walk by on her phone saying "did everyone orgasm?"
Nothing says I have a hang over like telling your boss to "eat your shit"
I wanna thank you for having such slutty friends growing up. Your a great little sister
He tied me to the bed, fucked me and left me tied up until he proved to his room mates that he actually fucked me. But other than that, best sex ever!
he told me it was like eating gods vagina.
In your drunken glory you promised me, tongue, 12 naked pics, and 1,800 breakfasts.
Sorry that I was such a monster last night. It was the drugs, I promise.
But now I'm just thinking when he said he "worked for the airline" he actually meant drug smuggling.
please remind me of this if i ever start out a night declaring my goal is to see how much american honey it takes for me to forget who i am again
I should get an "I gave blood today" type of sticker, but instead it would say "I went balls deep today"
Randomize
