Congratulations on your moose knuckle.
Thank you. Really, it was an honor just being nominated.
Dude, you posted a cap of a porn to survey if it looked like me. That's pretty certifiably creepy.
If my bosses could see, smell or hear me right now they would understand why its a horrible idea to keep the office open sundays
Another one? Damn, how many David's is that?
six.
Oh, I thought it was higher.
No, that would be the Matt's
Side note: I think I fell asleep holding a cereal box
I'm trying to find candidates for my winter break hook up. I'm going to hold auditions thanksgiving break.
I'm not liking this ratio of moving to blowjobs...
When I realised he had a girlfriend I just started telling them about my ex and how I write poetry about him. Which I then read to them. They just gave me pity looks and left me to finish my spliff alone.
I'm offering you baseball tickets and my vagina, isn't that enough?
Is it wrong that I get drunk and let him eat me out then fall asleep? He offers me so much and yet I do nothing. I feel like a republican.
My mom just asked if I've gotten any girls pregnant how is your day going
I woke up to Dragon Ball Z playing in Portuguese and a donut shish-kebab~ed on a dick in my face.
P.s. There are few things I love more than brand new mascara and you are one of them.
im ready to get drunk and forget everything ive learned this semester
It seems I've entered my 21st birthday the same way I entered this world: naked, crying and smothered in someone else's bodily fluids...
Randomize
