I swear to god he was trying to crawl under my door last night muttering "I'm Alex Mac! I'm Alex Mac!"
she handed me her phone while she blew me and told me to text her bf that she was at the store
I'm currently trying to figure out how I woke up naked and handcuffed to my bed. Not real worried about class right now.
And then he used the flashlight app to illuminate me giving him head. Thanks IPhone
he was wearing ninja turtle pajamas and he STILL got laid. who the fuck is this guy?!
He's coming back with me for the week. It took me saying "I don't wanna drive myself home... I'm better as a passenger giving road head" for him to jump at it. Rack another one up for my magical openings.
Setting up an obstacle course with ladders, hurdles, and a spring board to the pool. you down for drunk races through it later?
It's cool dude. The dank is in the form of premade smores with honey grahm crackers, marshmallow cream and 420 brand choc. bars. NV weed laws have nothing on me.
I was sending him tit pics while watching how to train your dragon 2. It was everything.
I haven't been dieting for my entire life to date some guy who thinks his dad bod is a riot.
First Peyton Manning retires, and now the most interesting man in the world is retiring for Dos Equis. This is the worst week of my fucking life.
The police report said i was screaming at someone that wasnt there, then the cops told me to call someone sober and i called mike to tell him "They are trying to arrest me for stealing information from the FBI" at that point they took me to jail.
I still can't believe a guy pooped in my backyard
Well I hate to admit it but at this point I can successfully say i have been pee'd on by both of my roommates.
I was left to my own devices with nothing to do but drink
Randomize
