I asked what she wanted from Hawaii. She said a baby like Aaden from JK 8.
where am I supposed to find one of those?
she was on her period so I asked if she wanted to make ass babies
So, right as I'm cumming, I pull out and go "PYEW PYEW" like Star Wars lasers. Best part is, I missed her completely.
I'm giving up shame for lent. Here come the best 40 days and nights of my life.
do you know what's more awkward than a positive pregnancy in a public bathroom?
not a thing
walking in on a stranger's positive pregnancy test in a public bathroom
found POGS while I was cleaning my room this morning. Definitely bringing them back to school to turn into a drinking game.
I hope there's a soldier with a Bedazzler just going to town right now.
I always forget that visiting my hometown is like a who's who of ugly people.
you never texted me what you wanted from the store so I got a piece of chicken and bottle of tequila. if you want anything else you are on your own.
Well I could just do a roadtrip and hit them all. Slut tour 2012.
there's fuck elsewhere to go, I'll be there with 8 lbs of bronzer on my tits
You were so high that you only FaceTimed me so that you could stare into your own eyes and not actually say anything
I'm going to start charging you rent if you keep leaving your random conquests on my living room couch the morning after
Have you ever had a pregnancy test laugh at you?
He showed up with a hearse full of beer and is currently shooting pumpkins with a flare gun. Who gives a shit if he's a furry. We need to party with him more often.
Randomize
