i also saw a trio of peacocks walking along a sidewalk in hollywood today. i really hope im not tripping.
i'll give you all the meat in my fridge in exchange for 2 condoms.
apparently the 911 operator took drunk dialing waaayy too seriously
He told me he had more lines than a plaid shirt
He made fire alarm noises before throwing up all over the street.
because drunk making out is frowned upon in museums i think
Pretty sure I just heard the turkey yell "don't put me in there" as it was going in the oven. way too high for this holiday.
Have the decency to NOT HANG YOU'RE USED CONDOM ON THE FOOSEBALL HANDLES! Dickhead.
Going back to the ever classy sneak out to the fridge and swig liquor from the bottle method. That it is legal for me to drink here makes the fact that I have to do this all the more depressing.
So, Cheetos don't microwave great.
i guess i fuck people who own bucket hats so i can't talk shit
He doesn't like Sabbath and that alone is a GIANT red flag. Learn from my experiences and never, I mean NEVER associate with people that hate Black Sabbath and Motörhead.
After the bar we stopped to Meijer where I found myself singing little mermaid while rubbing a pack of hotdogs on my face..
the fact that I can still put my shoes on is a testament to the fact that I can outdrink these bros
That's why we have robots to masturbate for us
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