Haha na a cat just ran under your car. Howd that happen?
Probably a woman cat. Doesnt think things through
My professor complimented me on the well drawn penis on my face then asked if I would like a seat closer to the garbage can.
You refused to come over and kept yelling that you were gonna sleep on a car
He gets creativity points for the hot sauce. But it may be awhile until my nipples forgive him
Sometimes I look at the people in school that are obviously very diligent and on top of their studies, and then I wonder why they don't smoke weed.
Fuck I keep finding new battle scars from our fight. Justin told me I stabbed you with a broom handle.. Do you remember ripping my pants off?
Post-sex nachos deserve a song.
Do you know anyone with a stuffed cougar? I want one for a self portrait to hang in my house. A bobcat or lynx might work too.
He is sitting on the foor in the soup aisle saying "to each their own soup"
He wants to buy me a drink to apologize for sending me a pic of his dick. Welcome to my life.
It was only in the sobering silence of the wilderness on the mountain, after I was too tired to talk anymore and I also didn't want to tell Julian that we were lost, that I realized how super tripped out I had been the entire time...
You have no idea the kind of bodily contortions I had to do to access your neighbor's WIFI
When I woke up I had 6 missed calls making sure I was ok and asking if I remember showing my tits to a picture of her baby.
I just pulled back the shower curtain to reveal Cinnamon Toast Crunch and a spoon in the bathtub. Ambien is a hell of a drug.
It's very disconcerting to wake up and she is gone. I never know where she could be. It's like playing wheres Waldo but Waldo could potentially be drunk and wandering around in weird places that normal Waldo's don't go.
Randomize