you can't exactly throw up or pass out at the pentagon so i had to pull my shit together
I just feel like Im gonna be remembered as that one RA guy that used to sell weed
The doctor asked me what height I fell from to hurt my back.. I answered keg height
He told me that if his bed could talk, it'd write a medical journal. Guess it's too late to worry about that now.
He came for an unexpected visit and let's just say I shattered his illusion that girls don't watch porn
I can't let him end my perfect streak. HE USED TO BE FAT
The airport has the best people watching and munches... It should be a destination drinking location
why is there blood on my car? and are we still friends?
I'd probably lick every tooth in Carly Rae Jepson's fucking mouth.
Teen Choice Awards are on if your wondering.
I've spent my afternoon dipping strawberries in DayQuil if that's any indication of where I'm at in life.
I biked home blackout drunk last night, but I have some memory of throwing my bike in a rage when I couldnt get it down the stairs. No idea on the bright orange puke in the sink.
I have an empty apartment, Chinese food, and fresh batteries in my vibrator. There's nothing on this earth that could lure me out tonight.
Pride log, day two. Noticing more bruises and scrapes. Liver functions probably very lowered.
I got dominos and had to stop whilst eating and take a moment of silence for how good it was
If I'm not there when the plane leaves, I didn't make it through security. See you at home! Vegas bitches!!!
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