Fuck?...well quicky, i have to study...unless you can read my book while i bang you, then it can last four chapters
I can be that talented
i wish that high-me and normal-me were two different ppl so that high-me could thank normal-me for setting out a feast before smoking
I wish that high-you wouldn't text me stupid shit at 3:30 in the morning
Remember that one time i smeared period blood on your face?
I hate you
he doesn't have near as many excuses as you..and his are usually pretty legit. like "i'm having a baby." that's pretty legit.
I just sat in the Taco Bell drive-thru waiting for a trash can to take my order. Yes, that high.
only 75% of american men are circumcised...i guess this was bound to happen to me someday.
Some are given great drunkenness. Others have great drunkenness thrust upon them, in the form of ice storms.
He pretended my clit ring was a door knocker.
Crap I still need to get you a wedding gift. I'm just gonna give you a bag full of cash, lube, and condoms. And I'll use furry handcuffs instead of ribbon to tie the gift bag handles together.
I don't know man, I have to ask my girlfriend if I can borrow my balls from her purse.
Just recreated a sandwich from the caf in my own kitchen. Graduation denial at it's finest.
We were just sitting together and this guy walks up to us and says, "you ladies are drinking too slow", puts a 5 dollar bill on the table and just leaves the bar. Helloooo Taco Bell
Hahahaha yep. You were picking up the credit card machine and singing to it in Spanish.
Someone just asked me if I was chewing red hot gum.... I'm LITERALLY SWEATING OUT FIREBALL.
gave up morals for lent, so far it's actually been really easy.
Randomize
