Is there a nice way to say "I like you, but I hate your dick?"
Oh I also wanted to thank you for leaving your list of porn sites on the coffee table. Very entertaining.
Ya. I was the definition of a shit show. I woke up outside my door when my alarm went off
ok it turns out chain mail does not protect against falling down a flight of stairs. please send help.
I swear to god there was like a 2-second timespan in which he went from laughing to coughing, hiccuping, and subsequently projectile vomiting into the grass. There is literally a line in the grass, about 2 yards long, of his puke. It was more impressive than disgusting to be honest. And then he just shrugged and said "I have no idea where that came from."
So both cops helped talk her into coming back into the bar and doing a shot with me. The main argument being, "a bar is no place to be sober!"
Chicks, chicks everywhere, and not a drop to drink. Dude, when did real life lesbians get HOT?
IM WEARING A FLAG
So that's a no to the clothes then
FLAG
Don't forget Giraffe in your car! If we show up in the same outfit without animal heads we're just gonna look weird.
It's getting harder and harder to fake orgasms as I get older.
Um went out in San Francisco last night and ignored someone hitting on me. So they bit my arm. Lmfao PLEASE TELL ME THIS ISNT THE SINGLE LIFE
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
have no fear, swaggie olivia is here to bring glorious gifts and horse dick to children
And speaking of good acting I may have a sex tape now
I'm disappointed in the internet. It's two days and there's still no fanfiction based off that Manning/Beckham commercial.
You don't even like football
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