You had a beer at 10:30 this morning?
Ya, I didn't have any Tylenol.
drunken yoga. on the beach. senior week. you have been chosen <3
when you wake up try not to move. we are betting to see if more sprinkles stuck to you or the pong table.
he told her he was actually impressed that she had fucked more people in this house than the four dudes living in it.
I'm calling it the Friendlationship with Benefits Zone.
I legitimately forgot how to blow my nose just now. Sleep might be handy.
Tequila ran out around 11 so she let them do body shots of chips and guacamole instead
I am stoned, not wearing a bra, and a woman. There is no way in fuck I am getting on a fucking bus.
must go to store soon wiping with panty liner ugh
He said his name was Tony, after last night I will refer to him as Tiny
I got caught throwing up in my daughters princess potty... On the bright side it played a rewarding tune afterwards.
Write this down so you can tell me in the morning. "That bartender needs to be in my mouth."
Ahhh, the bane of our relationship.... His mediocre penis
Like sorry your dick won’t suck itself?
If the multiverse is real, would you screw yourself? I'd screw myself.
Randomize
