I wish I could teleport
Still waiting. He said he'd call between 2 and 10... apparently he's like the Comcast of drug dealers.
just threw all of the fireworks into the bonfire. thats why there are firetrucks.
Old lady caught me peeing in the street and yelled at me and said "I REBUKE YOU"
A guy at one of our big accounts just said you probably dont remember meeting me saturday night ps you were right about those two girls being lesbian
I realized last night, I never talk dirty in German during sex. How much wasted potential is that?
you didn't want to pay for the shots so you negotiated with the bartenders. Apparently 1 shot is worth 5 seconds of motor-boating you.
Don't I can pass these orgasm blushes off as sunburn for much longer...
They finally caught us and banned us forever, but it was worth it because we didn't have to pay for light bulbs for at least 3 years.
So you stole light bulbs, from your favorite bar, and got banned, and you're happy?
Look we couldnt pay for light bulbs and ramen, and you can't eat light bulbs or cook in the dark. Win - win.
I SHOULD NOT BE HAVING AN EXISTENTIAL CRISIS OVER PIZZA
We drunkenly built a couch fort and fucked in it. I've known her since preschool. This was every childhood fantasy mixed with adult dreams come true.
My glasses were in the garbage this morning
He put rainforest music on before we had sex I felt like I was in the Amazon
MY TITS JUST CAUSED A CAR ACCIDENT ON THE HIGHWAY! i kid you not!! i thinl the giy is actually dead
She tied me to the bed and did lines off my chest before sex. I’m going to put that on my bucket list just so I can cross it off
Randomize
