i miss you so much
i miss you too
oops, did i send that to you? i meant to send it to the money you owe me
He is like that thing on the menu you would eat because nothing else looks remotely edible.
are you sure you're not interested? he's the dunkin donuts employee of the month.
I just had a flashback to last nights party, I'm pretty sure I told most of the people there that I post a masturbation schedule for an iCal download.
He waited til after we had sex to tell me he had herpes... Ugh I hate being drunk
Apparently he ran around last night saying he was 'the hulk hogan of muff diving'
After he told me that it's up to him to carry on his family name, I almost felt bad for not letting him cum inside me.
I was just handed jelly beans by a guy in a penguin costume. Standby for confirmation on if they are actually drugs.
Remember that time I tried to pierce your nipples while high... it's like that, only with more blood... and less nipples
the bruises from climbing out of the window last night make sitting at my desk impossible. legit excuse to not study right?
It was a fight. Me vs nature and drunkenness. And nature won. Big time.
Nevermind, there are three drinks waiting at the bar for me. I cannot disappoint this alcohol.
Well just saw that professor I hooked up with on campus and I look like a dumpster baby
i almost got into an argument defending my life choices with a guinea pig eating chocolate cake at 4am
I'd like to know who hasn't seen my tits tonight.
Randomize