Seriously? Do you have me saved in your phone as 'check every 3 months to see if she's single yet'?
She said she could kiss it, just not put it in her mouth. Because that would be cheating..
even iPhones love lady gaga. everytime I type haha it trys to correct it to gaga. this is bullshit...
This Xanax laced vodka tonic will help me forget that all these spring breakers are all young enough to have been my students.
Dude, its flawless. what could go wrong?
Jail. That could go wrong.
Now that I'm single, I like to think of myself as in a relationship with Taco Bell.
I will fuck him senseless, no need for a priest.
I only have one eye to read your texts because I just stabbed one out after reading that last text.
His lack of social graces and moral fiber complements mine nicely.
I JUST SEARCHED GINGER COCK ON TUMBLR AND THEY'RE ALL REALLY WELL HUNG? I'M CRYING. IS THIS HOW GINGERS KEEP REPRODUCING?
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU?
Night one million where I have madri gra beads around my neck and no justifiable reason for where they came from
Remember earlier when I was excited about finding that birth control pill in my purse? Definitely acid.
STOP HOOKING UP WITH SOCCER MOMS! YOU ARE RUINING MY REPUTATION!
I don’t know what he is but he sure can suck a lollipop.
i’m blowing bubbles in my bloody mary so yeah it’s pretty much time to go
ill let you put your finger in a lot of things. but a ring is not one of them.
Randomize
