I thought she was mad at me, but then we did a pose off and I realized we're friends for life
So Ive been fucking her for the past couple months and i just found our that my grandfather and her grandmother were fuck buddies for a while. I feel like this is a new awesome family tradition that skips a generation.
Edward fifth and chaser hands
Also: how drunk is your brother? He just left me a message as batman.
You stole my camera, took a picture of yourself and said "that's beautiful, just as beautiful as our waitress".
I have the perfect view of a sexy blonde in yoga pants stretching from the shoulder press machine. I'll be here all night. So glad I came high.
Ur here with me in spirit. Now run free. Run free
One small step for man, one big gay fierce leap for gays!
Let me get this straight, you're telling me to lower my standards? Even though last week you told me I don't have any..?
You also thought the cure to hiccups was drowning yourself (and you were right)
He stared me down while singing "Let Me Love You" to me while we were having sex. I don't know whether to marry him or file a restraining order.
She showed up ready for sex all night.. with waters and a meat and cheese tray
True friendship: When you can hold your best friend's hair and still eat your Stromboli at the same time.
Everything is fine, it's not hung over in here at all\n\n*Narrator* *but in fact everything was not fine*
Im sober enough to understand what people are saying but drunk enough to understand its hilarious
i don't like interrupting booty calls. thats just rude.
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