I know she is the girl of my dreams bc she orgasmed, rolled over and then asked if I knew that Orlando beat Cleveland.
I'm okay, they said the swelling should go down in a week. But next time I'm shitwrecked, please make sure to remind me that I can't open a champagne bottle with corkscrew.
Taking the airport shuttle drunk should not happen this often in my life.
she reminds me of the kind of girl who'd fuck in church if you asked. I can dig it.
I got to the point where it seemed like she had 8 giant breasts instead of just two
I was trying not to text you this weekend, so I deleted your number when I was sober. Then auto restore at midnight. It was like drunk magic
well in DOG beers, i've only had one
Can't even walk I haven't tried talking but I probably can't do that either
I want to go out and have good clean fun.
Ok, but that does not include Bud Light Platinum and your vagina.
How many other adults do you think have slept naked under the Winnie the Pooh blanket sober?
He literally said I should watch game of thrones while I was blowing him like is this the conversation you want to be having right now
How long have I been using my debit card as a coaster?
Dick very happy bro
What type of bandaid should I use on my clit
If she didn't block me, she would have known that I sneezed on her toothbrush.
Randomize