Last night I broke through a door, was hospitialized, arrested, and threw my shoe at a bouncer. This summer is gonna be fuckin sick.
No, asshole. I'm not gay. But if I was I think I would do better than fucking Nick Lachey.
I've decided to sign up for a porn membership, but it's 10:30 and I'm going to wait an hour an a half because I don't want to waste a whole day of my month long membership. Fuck this economy.
btw, her name was actually Alixx. in retrospect, it was pretty much a gimme
Snorting lines of xanex off the back of my grandparents toilet before church. Thinking of u.
Are you also wondering how we get home after the party bus?
Home?
Having him as a wingman is like telling the girl you already have aids
whoever put homecoming and halloween on the same weekend owes me a new liver and a get out of jail free card.
We should install the 'help i've fallen and can't get up' buttons on our bodies for this weekend. Birthday weekend calls for extra measures.
Long story short he broke into a preschool and threw all their cones into a tree.
its 2pm. u awake yet?
ill text u back later. still peeling fingernail polish off my face.
He sent me nudes and I told him he reminded me of Buffalo Bill.
I wouldn't know what to do. You never really mentally prepare for a cactus getting thrown at your face.
I fucked him twice and then he set me up with his teammate. This kid does wonders for me
WE JUST PASSED A FUCKING SPACE SHIP! NOT JOKING! A REAL FUCKING SPACE SHIP! THIS IS NOT THE DRUGS! SPACE! SHIP!
Randomize
