I mean a good dj is a huge turn on
We tried to play doctor all sexually then he was taking down my 'symptoms' I said I needed to puke he thought it was part of the game
I'm still trying to decide if it's a complement when he said "I'd like to subscribe to your daddy issues".
Yeah he's definitely gonna feel that one when he wakes up. I beat the shit out of him with that broom handle.
This theraflu would make for a great margarita.
I can make a sudafedarita
I have a calendar reminder for world domination today, you wouldn't happen to know anything about that would you?
It was a shot marathon. It only ended because we werent drinking in our house apparently we walked into the nieghbors. When they got home thy were soooooo pissed.
I'm pretty sure your ex of four years just had a baby with some kid and named it after you...
There's nothing more awkward than going on a beer run with 3 ten year olds....teacher of the year right here!
I have a tab of a google image search of onion rings open and it is making me so happy.
ive started thanking my toys after masturbating. might be time to get some fuck boys
My New Year's resolution is to chill out on the group sex. At least with my friends anyway.
Should I bring my 4 pairs of bunny ears? Or is that too weird?
4 pairs might be a bit much
I learned the hard way a garbage bag will not save you when jumping from a tree at 2am
just woke up to an abnormally swollen ankle (broken, perhaps?) and a shirtless man with the most beautiful abs I've ever seen sleeping on my floor.
is your ankle ok??
WHY IS HE ON THE FLOOR. SINCE WHEN DOES BLACKOUT ME ALSO COCKBLOCK ME
Randomize
