I chose taco bell over sex...
good choice.
big game today.. looking forward to seeing that magic win, and then i will celebrate with a nude dip in lake Eola.. anyone else in??
he put his p in my v, then his p in my a, and then tried to put the p in my m? first, double dipping is rude. second, i'm glad he finished shortly after that, i'm afraid of where he'd try to stick it next. my ear?
I've drank myself into a smaller pants size. Who ever said alcoholism was unhealthy was mistaken.
Last night at the bar my fuck buddies found out about each other.
Wtf? What happened?
Not quite sure but they rock, paper, scissored to see who was taking me home.
Their house warming gift for us was a half case of keystone and getting the cops called..
It's like you are the superhero of getting jizzed on
i was mezmorized. she was the most beautiful girl that looked like a boy i ever seen
where are you guys? the police just woke me up on the couch outside.
Don't ever give your dog some hamburger at midnight. Its impossible to enjoy a late night burger when your dog just threw it up all over your carpet. Gremlin rules work with dogs.
Overslept. So hungover. Apparently texting the first person in my contact list the time I would like to wake up is not how the alarm clock in my phone actually works.
Thanks for wearing matching bob ross shirts to the bar with me and referring to every guy as a happy little accident
She's kind of holyer-than-thou, like god himself came down and said "please cock block your roommate at every opportunity, and if you think she's thinking of sex, tell her she's a whore"
We're both fucking guys named Frank. Our friendship was meant to be.
I know right? It's like he knows how to pleasure me better than I do myself... He's like a prophet of sex
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