Do you still have your period?
I swear to god he was trying to crawl under my door last night muttering "I'm Alex Mac! I'm Alex Mac!"
When we were fucking i started barking and growling at her.. you shoulda seen her face
I miss your penis. And I totally say this as a friend. I just miss it because it's great. You should be very proud of it.
we have to get out to the bar earlier. all of the guys are already committed to the girls they're going home with.
im not sure. I kicked him in the ear last night trying to kick a plastic cup off his head to prove I can kick higher than anyone.
Teflon bitches. Nothing fucking sticks to this kid, not even a kid. Maury Povitched this shit outta that situation.
Me and the guy at the liquor store are on a first name basis, college is all about networking.
Using your ex girlfriend's little brother to pick up women at the a&p: priceless
We found him wrapped up in a giant table umbrella in the bathroom.
Ok. So let me get this straight. She treats her vagina like a clown car, yet judges me for just making out with the guy that bought all of us shots?
Man my junk looks like a mangled grapefruit right now, this shit sucks.
His dad was on the tv delivering the local 11 o' clock news while we were having sex
She's sent me the same nudes using the same gestures and positions... It's like she has a template for her sluty-ness
I'm wearing jeans from 7th grade and drinking a fucking macchiato. This better be a good day.
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