On valentines day I took a girl on a date that I suspect was homeless
it was a shit show
We all have our days. But yours might be on the internet.
so the chest pain/shortness of breath/overdose guy we just took to tm hospital is now running down market street from the police in a gown holding his iv.
just accidentally masturbated with tiger balm. best. accident. ever.
Should you consider yourself out of control when everyone at the party is cheering you on while you're puking, and on the last heave you act like you're rolling dice right before the finale???
I'm sorry. I think I have multiple personalities. Or it was the acid. Either way. I'm sorry.
I've decided I'm either going to ease him into this breakup by having a threesome with him and the girl I'm leaving him for, or be brutal and fuck his room mate. it depends how nice he is tonight.
Dont act like I'm the only one that gets on a plane and picks out the one im gonna have fuck if we have time before the crash
What goes on in that head of yours?
Gay sex, for the most part. Why?
I just found out who gave her jelly shots. You owe me a new mattress.
Don't forget to make sex 3rd on your calander
My fuck buddy just proposed... Correct me if I'm wrong, but doesn't that completely defeat the purpose of FRIENDS with benefits?
Now you can be friends with Insurance Benefits.
He said he doesn't "believe" in cuddling. Can you come get me?
GIIIIRL I AM STONED AF AND I HAVE A HOMEMADE POT PIE IN THE OVEN THIS PARTY IS LIT.
You were so fucked you introduced me to a pile of Laundry
I wondered why I slept in the front room
Randomize
