Cumbucket.....OH MY GOD THAT COMES UP AUTOMATICALLY NOW!!
I hope I don't blackout because this is awesome!
the cops didnt even say happy birthday to me :(
he's legally blind and likes the sound of my voice, good enough for me.
Just found a picture of me licking the bouncers ear last night
You've eaten a Lean Pocket for every meal for at LEAST 3 days now. Get your life in line.
Omg.....I raised my camera to take a pic at this presentation, and I wanted to zoom in, so I swiped my phone to the left and up pops my dick pic from last night.
I can't bring myself to turn around to see if pple saw it.
she was literally 3 feet away from the garbage can, said she couldn't make it, and then proceeded to vomit on the floor in front of everyone in the restaurant
Two people confessed their love to me last night. Drunk is a good color on me
I just took what could be the most awkward shit in my life, which considering my definition of awkward and my experiences shitting, is pretty fucking awkward.
...
I was sitting there doing my business and the guy in the stall next to me banged on the stall and asked me how to spell picnic because he wasn't sure.
would it be uncouth to smoke a joint during office hours
This is why you're my favorite TA
I don't know if I'm more excited about getting chipotle or about getting laid
Crying while I'm pooping. I think this is rock bottom
I'm actually really happy I can say that my first body shot was out of a gay strippers massively ripped chest
I didn’t spend $100 for a wax to sit here and listen to you FT your brother to complain about how bad the Jets are.
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