I'm watching harry potter...good thing I already know I'm gay
see... this is why i put birth control in all my friends drinks
wait.... you do what?
He had an itunes playlist named "def not Glee season 1" which contained all of Glee season 1
Do you think it'd be inappropriate to have an I'm Not Keeping My Baby Party the day after her baby shower?
she gave me her number. found out it was already stored in my phone as "bathroom blowjob"
I'll be really easy to find... I'm the naked one rolling around in cats.
Pretty sure I sang "What Makes You Beautiful" to some random guy in a parking lot last night...
If you need us, Zoe and I will be on my kitchen floor drinking Gatorade and crying
I woke up to my roommate checking my pulse
I think we have it figured out.. She's my wife when she's here and gives me advise on how to get ass when she's 1500 miles away.
So how do I get back in good graces for trying to trade you for superbowl tickets?
Nothing says I'm committed to you for all eternity like letting him wear crocs to the wedding
I feel like dick that good should always be within a five kilometre radius of me.
you told us the chicken was mocking you, then proceeded to explain that every time someone reads your mind you accidentally think of something sexual
Have you ever been anal in a bush on the Vegas strip drunk?
Randomize