Reflecting on last night, I'm not sure if making out with a 43 y/o married woman at Bernie's after the Cubs game was my best life decision...
All I'm saying, is that being compared to a Muppet is not the end of the world.
the cashier wished me a happy fathers day while i bought condoms
I just woke up to my FedEx of contacts I've been waiting for for about a week and my hungover ass went to the bathroom and used beer instead of contact solution.
I was really sad when you left and cried. And i don't know what a face promise is, but apparently i made you make one.
It would be one hovered percent delicioui
yeah we were the ones eating jello shots out of the back of a jeep in the bar parking lot
I plan on being naked for at least 2/3 of the wedding.
Half way through sex he whispered in my ear, " your the second best I've ever had" then proceeded to tell me to sit on his face.
I'm not taking advice from anyone I've seen passed out naked at noon on the hood of a strangers car. Meaning you.
I didn't know. I guess I really haven't had that much time for drinking lately. I mean, outside drinking at home/work.
Ugh. The fucking vaginal recession is so real right now.
Pandora was on point with the sex music tonight
I am so stoned. And there are so many white people in this Jack in the Box.
Took the ex out to the bar, then left with her and her best friend....and you said this was a bad thing.
Randomize
