Why did you put hummus in my pillow case?
I'm drinking vodka out of a coffee pot. and i'm not even mad about it
I just want you to know if you wake up tomorrow morning and wreak of mustard, I was not involved.
she tried to deny peeing on the floor last night. she said she wouldn't make it to the bathroom only to pee on the floor
oh but she would
6 beers and it feels like I've been drinking water... Daiquiri time
Honestly I will go to church for him, I will even try to quit smoking for him. But his dick is not worth losing alcohol. He sure as fuck isn't taking away our wine nights.
porn backed up onto portable hard disk, laptop charged, battery backup in place, two cases beer, handle of vodka, poptarts and beef jerky --- bring it sandy.
It was close. I was the girl scoping out where all the garbage cans were located in the class just in case.
This is why you don't heavily drink before 2 midterms.
I just had the weirdest moment. Made eye contact at the bar with a girl who has seen my vagina.
i dont remember how or why, but i now have 3 coupons for a free BJ from Anise stapled to my right arm.
2014 decided to stick it to me one last time. Right up the ass.
I feel like I should treat myself every time I find out I'm not pregnant. Is there a pie company that delivers??
I wanna die. I can't recall the last time I was happy that doesn't involve your hand touching my butt.
Is it weird that I'm mad at my boss because he isn't paying me enough attention? Maybe my dad issues are worse than I thought
And my butt misses you like the deserts miss the rain.
Randomize
