isnt it creepy that our bodies make people
you were mad bc i took longer then 2 minutes to finish
Boys can't fool me. I know "want to come up and meet my dogs?" is just a nondirect way of saying "come up and meet my penis".
Just slept with my boyfriend's roomie to learn if bf was cheating on me
Good plan. When in doubt, sleep about.
do to the flooding of the park, there will be a midnight bikini mud wrestling party behind my dorm. all are welcome.
They had to restock the bar 3 times before midnight. There is a bridesmaid dress hanging in a tree outside.
apparently he thought telling me 'the weasel wants to come out to play' would somehow convince me to go down on him
Dear Penis Owner...our records show that you are overdue for servicing...please contact our friendly associates to schedule a thoroughly satisfying experience today...operators are standing by...
Well you wanna do it now or later? I've had three shots and I'm listening to journey by myself. Emotionally there is no better prime time than right now.
Sorrye. The bathtuv says hi. But theresno water in it. I've wanted too tell you for the longest, but nevr could
I can't wet the bed. That was the old me. I'm grown
Oh my god
They should make eskimo sister bracelets. OMG WE NEED BRACELETS WITH IGLOOS ON THEM.
I am watching the most amazing drunk person ever. Literally such a trooper that you can put anything in front of him he'll drink it. His latest reason for taking another shot was: well whatever. I'm never gonna get married anyway.
& I came downstairs to find my whole family discussing the fact that I have a vibrator, which my mom found accidentally....
You were painting for six hours and managed one four foot wall. "The Mellow Handyman" isn't a good business model.
Randomize