erin looks like she hung out with the sham wow guy last night. she's got the beat up hooker look goin' on
My favorite part of the day is the 2 seconds of ignorance you have when you first wake up. Right before you remember where your mouth was last night.
Your brother just informed me that half a mouthful is a unit of measurement. I love talking to members of your family.
I know. I need to get a vagina tranquilizer.
I had to have my mom pick me up from the party and the windows lock was on so when I went to projectile vomit out the window it wouldn't roll down and it splashed back at my face.
I'm on a no morals kick. That'll be 3 girls in 24 hours....ending 2011 with a bang
I need to pack up my vagina and leave. We only do bad things together.
HURRY. I NEED DRUNK. MORE DRUNK.
Is "sorry I booted you out mid-fuck last night" a good icebreaker?
My Canadian brought me three bottles of maple syrup, a sunflower, and a pair of Oakleys back to the states...he's either drunk or he loves me
I may or may not have pissed on my floor last night
Welcome to 22
Yo, I totally had forgotten you were CA. Thank you for making my life easier with modern medicine.
I have never lost more friends than while playing Uno drunk.
this is the second day the intern has gotten me coffee. he either wants to bang me or thinks I'm more important than I am.
either way he's in for disappointment
I've got 3 hot dudes surrounding me. It's the Bermudick Triangle.
Randomize
