So can we just skip dinner and I'll just pay you for a blowjob?
Don't tempt me, I need beer money.
He told me something must be wrong, because no one had seen my boobs yet
I paid some man $10 for his shirt last night cause I liked it. Explains that. Bought the jackolope head from a street vendor. Got invited to someone's hotel rooftop swimming pool which explains why I was in my bathing suit. My clothes from last night are MIA. Going over the border with no pants on is awkward. Origins of the car rim still mysterious.
as you might have guessed from my lack of texts, the herpes have calmed down.
of course! give me a few hours to recover from chugging a 4loko out of a frisbee, and it will be rage time yet again
I had a 10 minute conversation with the refrigerator, it was telling me how it likes to be opened and closed. Ecstasy, I love you.
she and her cat are both sick as fuck so they just sat there looking at each other with her nose dripping on the cat's. both out of fucks
I'm eating a subway sandwich in the bathtub because I don't want to move. God bless boys from Brooklyn
We got signed out of jail by an Uber driver. I think that qualifies as a great first night of college
just so you know.. snorkeling hungover: great decision. I was throwing up and he couldn't even tell!
I finished masturbating now I'm eating french toast crunch. What is life, and what are friends.
He flew in from NY last night. We had sex in the back of my car in the airport parking lot and then he fed me fresh Babka (from Breads Bakery) as I drove him home. I can't decide if I love him or Babka more.
its like my accent is a device for a 100% chance of sex every time i leave the apartment. i love being english in this country.
so let me get this straight you just stared at his boner all night?
On the brightside we know now that empty pringle cans are accepted at mcdonalds as cups.... Screw people who judged us, we saved a buck
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