My mouth tastes like defeat. Did he at least have money?
Do you think unemployment will give me a christmas bonus?
just went trash diving in my work clothes for weed. A&E's intervention here i come.
I should just wear a shirt that says "Im Sorry" on the front because the second we land in Vegas, I'm going to be a fuckin trainwreck.
I don't know what's worse, the fact that my parents own a sex swing or the fact that my little cousin was playing on it
Don't let me forget to bring the toilet inside tonight.
I'm crossing my legs while pooping. Taking a shit has never looked so proper.
Februarys looking very promising in the vaginal department
1 tequila 2 tequila 3 tequila, floor.
*roof
How could you not respond to a text containing the words "goat man" ?!?
Model at car show < day drinking with your favorite sister. Get your head in the fucking game Christopher.
how fucking stupid do you have to be to think I'm going to accept your friend request months after falling asleep during one night stand sex?
My skirt was too short for the church and I brought my flask to the Scrooge play. God bless us, everyone!
Until you've snorted cocaine at 6am before your nursing school clinicals birthing babies you're not on my level
Kinda thinking about going to my moms wedding high
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