you kept making us tell you how cute you looked in your new outfit, even after you threw up all over it
I just sat through a State Farm mortgage Insurance commercial to watch a Trick Daddy video. Is this the target audience they are going for here?
there was a fucking fire juggler. but it was ok bc i was in the kiddie pool and it was the safe zone
friends don't put videos of other friends on youtube puking on their professor on the first day
You think posting ushers "let it burn" video on his fb page is in bad taste? haha
I woke up naked in his kitchen...His name is Mike and we're having a "what happened last night" beer.
Please tell me you've ingested more than weed and Oreos today
DOMA is dead. I'm definitely going to be the last of our friends to get married now.
Shout out to this stomach virus for helping me prepare for whatever slutty Halloween costume I decide to wear.
Look I'm really hungover so let's try this again. In 5 mins you're gonna call me and tell me that you're on your way with xannies, iced coffee and a back rub
He was referring to me as "Teenage Dream" the whole night
She was pretty impressed that I led all thirty of us back to campus in my state of drunk. Evidently so impressed that she now refers to me as "Moses" in bed.
I just saw a woman give her infant whiskey tits. About ten minutes ago she was doing shots, and now she's breast feeding. Whiskey. Tits.
FYI brushing your teeth & taking off your makeup does not erase the shame from the night before
Also—I just realized that your wedding gift is still on my dining room table. So...as awful as I am for not yet sending it (and I still need your address), at least I didn’t bring my screaming children to potentially the most important day of your life?
Randomize