Well for starters i'm drinking vodka out of a bell pepper.
Fact: Telling a guy he has erectile dysfunction doesn't solve the problem.
It's really awkward/depressing when you are wearing heels larger than his dick
I just don't see what's wrong with carrying a water bottle around.
It's not the bottle. It's the fact that you're drinking wine out of a sport bottle at 9 am.
you made sure to tell everyone that the amount of people you had slept with was actually quite low, especially when the size of your breasts was taken into account
Just realized I have to keep sleeping with him... those scars from drunk sex on the 4th of July are still on my back and lord knows I'm not about to explain that to another guy.
Apparently I have a urinal in my bedroom
She said we should all be mermaids since didn't breathe for 9 months inside our mothers. I want her logic.
The great thing about vietnam is that if I'm drunk during the day people just think I'm being white
I want to meet new people and vomit on their things instead\n
I drank all the drinks. And jump off roof. Yay
I told her the job opening requires being on the phone during the week and on my face on the weekends. I think she wants the job.
You know what's fun. When your getting a new mattress and you forget you put your vibrator under your old mattress and the moving guy finds it
just had sex in my dorm hall public bathroom while wearing my favorite cat sweater. tonight was a win
Nick's drunk off his ass and Kyle just Texted me and all he said was "butt pirates from space".
Randomize
