I don't think he has that. His apartment was pretty much a tv and a bed. Topless girl calendar and a glass of water to put out cigarettes.
He was putting purell on my boobs saying "they need to be clean for later." He hadn't had a drink all night
Did you know they have alcohol AND weed delivery in Canada??? I'm not EVER coming home
I've decided I'm just gonna keep drinking til the baby bump shows...
its 4:30 pm. In the mall. Just threw up into my hands. I love Vegas and Vegas loves me
I never want to hear the words unlimited shots for boobs in the same sentence ever again.
Luke did at least 8 shots of pure mayonnaise last night. I am not sure if that is better or worse than my 2 cement mixers?
Anxiously awaiting my period drinking Hershey's syrup from the bottle. Don't judge me
My friend asked me if I got home okay and I replied "Glad teat. Goodnight." Usually I can translate drunk me, but I'm even lost on that one.
He wants to buy us a microwave. Clearly the man is going to fix my life.
Is it tacky to frame a negative pregnancy test?
With gravity the way it is and your butt clearly being the size of a bus you'd break your hip or something
When I woke up this morning I swear my mouth tasted like dick and rolaids.
How ironic... opening your legs for closure.
My mom found me this morning passed out, face down on my dinning room floor
That must have been one awkward situation haha
Well I woke up in my bed.... I don't remember her finding me
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