you know you should just kill yourself when you are helping your 16 year-old sister get ready for a date and you're going out to dinner with you parents..
The best revenge is premature balding
Dude. My sister is off limits. Touch her again and I'll rip off your dick and force feed it to you.
I accept this challenge.
i was super drunk. to the point where i was putting shredded cheese on a fork, putting hot sauce on it then dipping it in salsa. it was awesome.
Gave the kid in the wheelchair at the bus stop a beer and proceede to lift him on the bus. porch drinking brings out the best in everyone
Aaaaand that would be the most of my hand I've ever fit into a vagina before.
He asked me what I wanted the cake to say and I then asked him if "I'm sorry for throwing up in your bed last night" was too long. He said it was...
Honestly, it's his loss. He went for the free sample when he could've gotten the whole package, babes.
does that make me the free sample at the grocery store he didn't like enough to buy...? yeah, that advice didn't help, but thanks.
If it was any colder outside, the frost from my breath would make a mixed drink
Dude, I'm trippin balls. For real, I thought this bag on my floor was my dog for the longest time...
I feel like I'm in a development meeting for a Lifetime original movie.
You ate ashes out of my bong
I just put on my bra while peeing. I fear this will be my big achievement of the day.
Not to be gross and awkward, but I just had sex outside in the rain on the hood of a lexus
you started putting peanut butter on your pubes.
Randomize
