Denial is the first step to alcoholism…and I don't hate it
If they made snuggies with a sleeve for my morning wood, id consider buying one...
My main thought on the Olympics: I need LESS cowbell.
There comes a time in every girls life when she must use her boobs for good instead of evil.
Your pregnant arnt you
In a car. Threw up in my mouth. Haven't said a word in 10 minutes.
It's official drugs can't kill me
Dude she said she'd let me snort a line off her ass now I just have to wait for them to break up
Got back to find Sarah in her underwear eating peanut butter and watching Arrested Development with the thermostat at eighty.
If I wear a tail on Halloween, how am I supposed to grind? Maybe I will just wear devil horns
Got stiff armed by the garbage man on the back of the truck...I just wanted to ride one block dude
It's acceptable to bring him back to my parents house and fuck on the couch right??
It was like being run over by an orgasm freight train.
Sex and compliments. The way to my heart
He is 6'5, went to a Christian school and he's a violinist....I'm going to fuck the jesus right out of him.
I just woke up, dressed as Chris Brown, with a bunless hot dog (presumably from 7/11) in my pocket, wearing a pair of shoes I don't recognize as my own. Help.
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