It's like my work doesn't even care about margarita mondays.
I just used my thong as a hair tie. I think I reached my limit.
For future reference, never invite the people you met at Dunkin Donuts at 2am to your house to watch Dogma
And it just wouldn't be a Thursday night without me having to cuss out a foreigner. The streak continues.
what part of what i said meant "bring a bowl"
"bouncy castle"
Good news. I heard back from the doctor and I don't have a liver problem.
...yet.
Be proud. All I did last night was roll around in my nun costume selling drugs. I love Halloween.
I got blood in my smoothie but it still tastes ok. Fuck glenfiddich.
she just nodded and said "yeah, I'd fuck him for a reese's peanut butter cup". it's so nice to know I'm not the biggest whore living here
so today, i decided to say "fuck it" to mental stability, take a klonopin and wear a blanket toga. New Girl is on Netflix, nothing could go wrong.
I'll admit it. It was a bad idea to sneak a fart out while she was taking a nap. Can you bring me a pair of underwear from my dresser. Preferably the one with the walruses in party hats one.
im not letting a little injury get in the way of my alcoholic/drug problems. we ARE getting turnt tonight.
I think I'm emotionally ready to start being a slut again. I'm excited.
Not sure how my purse ended up in the bushes last night... Or why there was a noodle strainer in the toilet.
this is a mass text: the cage has been opened. repeat, the cage has been opened. a search party will be organized. you are all sloppy bitches. that is all.
Randomize
