the jolly green giant just puched the pope. halloween is the best.
our school mascot just walked into class and threw condoms everywhere. welcome to college
he asked if thats how we do it in the states..like there's cultural difference in fucking between canada and the us..
there are 5 pictures on my phone from last night, 4 are too blurry to recognize and the 5th is you dangling a twizzler over your mouth, naked.
Ok just don't go to jail. I saw your account balance. It can't take that.
Im drunk with people I love less than you. fix it.
Alright. I will breast feed the first person to get here.
he fell down during beer pong and the chick told him to rub the sand out of his pussy and suck it up. i am in love
I dont think that yelling at the medic "Christmas is gone, fuck off santa" was the best idea when you couldnt feel your legs.
He's asking if he can send a dick pic. How do I politely decline that?
he busted into the room with single cheese slices and started yelling "THROW SOME CHEESE ON THAT BITCH"
I woke up naked in this guys bed and the first thing I start saying is it's super bowl Sunday like I was yelling
I was going to say that I wasn't sure how that happened... but then I remembered that I bonded with the Australians over vitamins and INXS and they bought me tequila.
Where you been?
Please tell me this is a booty call
It was probably the most embarrassing moment of my life. But I had cleavage, so I'm good!
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