I saw that some person on TFLN used a bag of wine as a pillow. I tried it last night. I forgot to close the spout. I woke up and thought my face had a period
i should have probably stopped drinking when my beer pong shots were hitting the other team in the face..
yeah thats usually a good indication.
You were absolutely insistent that the entire bar knew that it was peanut butter jelly time
Do you have any idea how hard it is to cum to Chingy?!
You promised me a handle of vodka if I took home her ugly friend. Thanks to law class I took for the 2nd time I know that's a unilateral contract asshole
So did u puke in his bathroom or all over his Olympic medals? Please say medals...
I've woke up in his bed 4 out of the past 6 mornings. I feel like this might be the time to learn more about him then his first name and what kind of beer he drinks.
You know it's been a rough year when your therapist mouth is just wide open. And I didn't even get to the real issue!
Third base with a 7ft basketball player last night. Fingers like a champ. I call him Edward Penishands.
I almost went home with him but then my hydroxycut fell out of my purse at the bar and I ran away
His life is a porno. He snapped me while banging a girl in the back of the ambulance.
So I had Xanax for breakfast & I'm probably going to fuck my tennis instructor.
Also either i just launched into space as a rocket or my legs just orgasmed, but i am high as a soul train
I sent her a dick pic and used brett Favre's dick pick. She asked me why I had pictures of old men's dicks saved on my phone... I just can't win bro
Why yes, I DID want cramps for Christmas, how did you know God?
Randomize
