i have a new swear word: supercalifuckaliciousexpialadamnit
I'm just sayin. Is it sad that I spent my last dollar on a hamburger just to get a paper bag to huff out of?
battery dying...get laid and text me after...or during...its whatever.
no i do not regret standing at the wendys drive thu handing the employees mardi gra beads to get free chicken nuggets
oh god...if the people that live above me killed themselves again then im gonna assume im the worst neighbor ever
IF HE CAN'T EVEN MAKE EYE CONTACT IN CLASS, I DOUBT THERE WILL BE OTHER FORMS OF CONTACT ON OUR FIRST NOT-A-DATE DATE
Well, on the plus side, the hospital gave me a shirt that says "Makes a bad ass look good"
I am just going to stick my boobs out and hope for the best
I found you walking along the street hammered. You walked up said hi and handed me a beer.
You FaceTimed me at three in the morning while you were peeing. Your eyes were glazed over and you showed me your bellybutton.
You just get me
I'm the wind beneath your wings, bitch
I just dropped a condom on the floor at costco in front of my girlfriend and her husband. Today is not going to go well.
I had a threesome last night with my fiance' and our soon to be best man. Everyone is surprisingly chill about it this morning. Is this any indication of what the wedding night will be like?
We got cut off at the bar, but it's okay because I tactically rolled behind the bar and grabbed a bottle of whiskey. Meet me in the back booth when you're done puking in the bathroom. This is about to get real slutty.
But I’m still curious to know... how did the homemade porno go?
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