Dude, smoked out of a pumpkin tonight. I like Halloween more now
literally. a puddle of blood. on the floor. still searching for the source
its been so long even thinking about having a dick inside me makes me sore
I'm putting "buy a bottle of scotch" on my "productive things to do to procrastinate studying for finals" list
Oh no I would never do that to her. But when you're single again let me know. Cheating penis is definitely better than single penis. But she has claws.
Call me old-fashioned, but I don't think the words, "Finger my ass" should find their way into casual conversation.
just had sex on top of a camper looking at the stars, BEAT THAT.
She waited 7 months to break out her comicon costumes. I was only mad it took her so long. I fucked an elf last night and strawberry shortcake the night before!
Nursing home in NJ just got busted for prostitution and drugs...dropping off my deposit tomorrow
I cried while dry heaving in the back of the car to the New York song with jay z in it. I was singing it inbetween gags.
They pay me enough to pretend to be either helpful, or heterosexual. If they want both I need one hell of a raise.
I just need to get a little drunker before I realize I'm not straight
he looks like the poster child for myspace how the hell does he have other hoes?
Wish me luck on my new penis adventure
If everyone felt the happiness from apple crown royal we would be in a better place
Randomize
