I took Valium worth by frank. I squabble
Li shadha you vin. It's phot out. I just ate a fried Oreo
just won the tropical speedo for $11. i didn't know they sold pussy magnets that cheap
These hangoverless Sunday mornings are becoming too regular.
my night ended in me puking all over jenna's bed, then me trying to wash the sheets in the toilet.
The guys had to come into the bar bathroom and pep talk us all off the floor
We have sex, then we talk about foreign policy. Its a win-win.
Jumped in the kebab van and said he was Ultimate MasterChef. Incurred wrath of six angry Turks. I got free chips.
That's fuckin bs. I had the bouncers beat by 30 yards til that dumbshit on the moped stopped in front of me.
no, throwing your underwear at it is not the solution to everything
She told me she gets scared easily and that I had to protect her. Then I made a condom joke that ended up making her cry... All bad dude
My goal is to not catch on fire... But if i have to dance im going to dance regardless of the danger
I've seen you dance and let's just say its a good thing you don't have a small dick
Well, she yelled at the stripper that she couldn't lick whipped cream off his nipples because she is lactose intolerant.
i put frozen meatballs in my drink thinking they were ice cubes and I'm vegetarian wtf
Oh my fucking god!! There is a barefoot white guy with a fucking ninja sword in the middle of the street next to the pride gas station swinging his sword at peoples cars!! He almost got me. 3 people swerved off the road and stopped. I told a cop.
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