I wish I was that guy from the miller light commercials so I could walk into parties and take peoples beer without getting yelled at
Is she bent over a couch yet or did daylight savings time throw off her usual schedule?
Real friends wouldn't let me shotgun a 4loko after already seeing me trying to eat a girl out through her jeans.
Yea.. I remember nothing. Except that the taxi driver was 56 years old and apparently never cheated on his wife.
Seriously man, I'm worried that my dick's going to fall off someday if I keep this up...
It must be illegal for me to be this drunk in front of this many children
I'm still waiting for my blazer that I left at your apartment, you owe me a blowjob for every day from Thursday on that it's late.
I must have drunkenly masturbated really loud last night, cause my roommate and his wife wont look at me
Hungover and I may throw up in my therapist's office. Maybe he is right about my drinking
Worst luck of my entire life. Came in my own mouth
He fingered me and now wants me to go get plan b because of it. WE'RE IN COLLEGE.
I got high with the cantor. Rethinking this whole non-practicing Jew thing.
I just spent 3 hours in the back of an unmarked police cruiser. Best. Date. Ever.
The most awkward thing in the morning is seeing your teacher's dick right before you go to his class.
that's the second time my extensive knowledge of taylor swift has gotten me laid
Randomize
