this is a mass text: i just made a grilled cheese with an iron and pasta with the coffeemaker in the hotel room. bow before your new god.
You know you're wathing too much reality TV when you start adding commentary to every day life.
TAKE DOWN THAT PHOTO OF ME IN THE NURSES COSTUME NOW.
I had a dream that the allstate guy hooked up with flo from the pregressive insurance commercials and she gave birth to the geico gecco. I need to stop taking ambian.
I guess we had a small kitchen fire somehow when we decided to bake fruitroll ups and croutons...
nothing like morning wood sex at 4pm. funemployment ftw
I feel like all of the victims from Seven. Best birthday weekend ever.
I think you were giving a sex seminar on your kitchen table last night.
I like to think it's an accomplishment that I can relate my life to a T-pain song
Well we had to pull over on a side street in town so I could throw up while moms were driving by with car loads of kids, I feel like I just performed a lil silent AA film for the childrens
Plus idk what to say. Like hello dapper gentleman will you pursue me in a midnight hangout where I can be choked
I'm only gonna ask u this once. Y is there a picture of u only in superman underwear rubbin ur nipple on facebook????
Uh I can actually explain that one..
I’ve got a lot of questions but the first one has to be where you got the flame thrower.
I just balanced a full glass of chocolate milk on my left boob. Don't think i've ever been more proud.
Shit day. Some kids decided to open my car at 3 AM while I was at work and the alarm went off. I went after them with a sword but they were minors so I didn't kill them.
Randomize
