Her parents hate her and she's on like major lockdown. All her friends are in jail and she has massive pit stains. Dude... It doesn't get much worse than that.
I just spent a chunk of my Christmas money on Plan B. I don't think that's what my relatives had mind when they said "spend it wisely", but hey, it was a good investment considering the bad life choices i made last night.
I tried ok? my penis just doesnt like her as much as my mother does
Two girls are doing the worm relatively well on the bar floor after the fact I just saw one puke in the trash
we sixty- nined on a tennis court.. not even drunk. you say insane. i say creative genius.
I'm wearing boardshorts as underwear to work. This is bachelorhood
You should seriously consider super glueing your knees together
The power of my vagina can withstand any attempt of celibacy
She just gave me a free latte.
Correction. She just have you a frothy, creamy path to that vagina.
I will take a blow job from a dude that kinda looks like a girl at this point
I say "glasses of whiskey" like I didn't chug it out of the bottle
I think you just described to us the most perfect drunken fairy tale that has somehow never been written
For some reason she gave me a handjob. It was all very confusing
I've turned into a small time drug dealer, now who's the real MVP.
I think I broke my toilet with my head. There are ceramic pieces everywhere. and I might still be drunk.
well it was naive of you to actually think you're the only bday sex he had lined up for him today. I'm just suprised he actually had a line forming outside of his room
Randomize
