omg. why did you never tell me how amazing shitting and smoking is?
i thought this knowledge was automatically promulgated at the age of eighteen?
Just found out my brother beats off to Lauren Conrad. the Hills will never be the same.
She just referred to her vagina as "this bitch".
You swear the intervention is for her? I've fallen for that one twice.
i can't believe you just compared my dick to leprosy
Twas the night before the bachelor party, and all thru the house...not a creature was stirring, not even a stripper?...
I'm stealing this baby.
Well I always support illegal activity but where would you put it?
Oh btw I learned how to say "my penis is a flamethrower" in German. Tonights gonna be fun
Dude my body has gone into shock from not eating frozen pizza and chips. I've been shitting like Richard Simmons after a night out of twerking in a corn field
Literally every boy I've dated is now in a somewhat successful band. My vagina has obviously been blessed by the rock gods.
Of course I fucked him. He's a professional beat boxer, his entire job is to do complicated shit with his tongue.
What are we just gonna be those girls that get fucked in your parents basement and not get taken to dinner? I don't wanna be those girls.
dude the last time we saw him was 2 nights ago when he was yelling that the trees were naked or some shit then he ran into the forest. I think its time for a search party
If you can throw 105 mph it’s mandatory that you’re hung.
THIS IS WHAT CELL PHONES ARE FOR! So you can tell me that you're bringing your coworker who lives in the "Halleleuia community" home for a beer SO I'M NOT DRESSED IN LEATHER LINGERIE WHEN HE WALKS IN THE FUCKING DOOR!!
Randomize
