Girls gone wild is like the hills, except sexy and it doesnt suck
I hate when my naked walk-arounds are interrupted by someone knocking on the door
did all my christmas shopping this morning at 4am drunk. never went to sleep. i was walking home drunk last night when i passed a target and saw 3 kids having a dance off. had to join. somehow they convinced me to go shoopping with them. i bought 4 disco balls and a lava lamp.
i knew it was time to leave when he woke me up only wearing pooh bear oven mitts and holding a plate of thank you pancakes
He doesn't fuck you and he's married, why do you keep letting him cum all over your stomach?
In the hopes he'll just put it in one day?
After he came he asked what I was doing for thanksgiving.
He came into the hospital yelling "HEY EVERYBODY! REMEMBER ME?"
Hey, you guys have all had chicken pox, right?
Just a heads up, the coffee pot is filled with Jager.
So if you ever need to know a guy who knows a guy who knows a guy that can put a 24oz beer can up his ass... Hit me up...
I want to pinterest what I want to do with my pubes. Why isn't there a board for that?!
My chest smells like french fries. Get at me attractive men.
Mom and I shoplifted today. Her idea.
Retirement sounds fun.
why isn't there a kind of gay where i let guys give me head but they don't expect me to give it back? i could be that kind of gay
He was that good?
I'm still mad from all the stupid shit he's done this week that even though I couldn't give two shits about Vday, I'm gonna throw an epic tantrum if he doesn't morph in to Nickolas Sparks for a day
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