I just won Halloween Walk of Shame Bingo!
just prayed to lady gaga in hopes it will help me pass my fashion merchandising final...what is my life?
When i walked in, you were in bed with a hot chick rolled up in a green blanket and said you were acting like a caterpillar..
over or under 1pm before my bracket is too blurry to read?
fireball beer pong. youre missing out
how is that even possible?
ove gloves.
be there in ten.
I'm standing in the shower drinking with the light off and a candle lit, listening to Amy Winehouse. Be proud.
I don't even want to think about the kind of person who would shit in the street before 10pm on a Sunday.
Ive waited a long time for a girl with prescriptions like yours.
also, the amount of semen in my carpet right now is unforgivable...
Wearing a french maid costume for Halloween sure did help me meet girls
Dude, they all thought you were gay.
The only thing I'm asking santa for is my period.
And vodka?
And vodka.
Steve brought 6 joints and 2 bottles of makers mark, Josh shat himself in the pool, and Amy blew me. Hope that extra 3 dollars an hour for working overnights is still worth it.
My life is literally "I'm too horny you can't leave" or "let's have pie" there's like no inbetween
Walking into my bedroom & smelling stale sex & disappointment isn't how I envisioned being 39, in case you were wondering.
Its almost 1 am and u wanna get together and cry naked
Randomize
