sometimes i shoot so far i amaze even myself.
yeah seriously, fuck school. I'm changing my master's thesis question from "what are the neuropsychological correlates of antisocial personality" to "will my cat drink this beer"
the cops didnt even say happy birthday to me :(
Its like the long john silvers of colleges, I wouldnt even go there to use the bathroom
At this point it has been so long i wouldnt know what a dick was if it slapped me in the face.
i had to write a bad check to buy franzia last weekend. i have my priorities in line.
I don't know what's worse: going to the liquor store at 9am or knowing that its open at 9am
The straight guy here is hot. He described himself as Christian grey without the money and my vagina fell out of my body
Calling a preemptive no homo on tonight's activities
Woke up to the UT campus police fishing my boxers out of the university pool, guess it was a good night.
I told him I had an IUD and he asked me how was a bomb a form of birth control..
Well if I can't snuggle you, I might as well snuggle a stranger's cat.
I hate political talk. I just wanna get fucked into an alternate universe where Bernie Sanders is president.
Is it sad that the most attractive guy I've come across in a week that's not my professor is the man doing my pedicure?
He just compared fucking my vagina to a snow flake falling on his forehead: gentle.... I'm not sure if that's a compliment or not.
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