What's proper 1 nite stand etiquette?
Say hi to his dad and make him some breakfast.
There are just some things I refuse to put in my mouth.
and this is why i am such an inspirational person, i am the Joel Osteen of alcoholics.
You were talking about masturbating on the phone then said you had to go because golden girls was on then you called me back saying you seen that episode already.
I poured everyones drinks into the ice bucket and then stuck my face in it. Apparently I'm a greedy drunk.
All I really remember is shouting "THANKS FOR LETTING ME MAKE OUT WITH YOUR GIRLFRIEND."
What can I say? You have this amazing power over straight girls.
View of Vancouver Bay is obscured though the greasy hand prints from fucking against the window. Tip maid well.
He showed up riding a bike blasting the ghostbusters theme song. His name was Lasercat. Im in love.
I spent the last 6 months operating under the assumption that I HADNT fucked a paramedic. I was wrong.
HE STARTED HUMMING THE THEME TO STAR WARS!! WHILE I'M SUCKING HIS DICK!!
I have experienced an excessively hairy ballsack in my mouth...and it was horrifying. I keep feeling it in my mouth now. It's like hairy ball PTSD.
I woke up with gum stuck to my nipple piercings this morning.. So there's that.
are you still alive?
no.
i'll cry at your funeral. and leave a burrito by your tombstone
He made me come so hard I punched another hole in the wall mid orgasm.
I'm not fixing this one for you. Do it your own damn self.
I was grinding with girl while I was eating french fries, and she turned around to hook up with me. She ate my fries.
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