Evryone should know as good ramen noodle cooked in beer sounds... its not
I just farted for five sidewalk sections! New personal best.
i feel like my eyelids need a kick stand.
just as they were cutting his pants off he made em stop & said "everyone knows about shrinkage right".
I just got a msg from someone saved in my phone as "gouiys stAndingg nezxt me not oz". Omh my life.
She dumped a fish bowl of alcohol on herself. Just like flash dance.
This was my thought process as I drunkenly ran home: Whoa! I'm going so FAST! Why don't I run EVERYWHERE! ALL THE TIME! Then I peed in a bush and passed out on the ground.
So basically you were a dog.
If I die, I leave all my liquor in my apartment to you. Be a drunk bitch at my funeral. I wouldn't want it any other way.
Indeed. Apparently I called my sisters and told them I wouldn't get arrested because it's not a real sword.
if all that ever happens for the rest of forever is drinking wine and eating popcorn, ill be okay
Dedication to a hook up: I had to recruit five people at the train station to help me buy a ticket from a kiosk and get on the right train in 15 minutes because I discovered that my car was stolen.
It's okay I missed my booty call by two whole minutes so I decided to delete him from my phone and then re-add him as "I am a douchelord"
Just opened up the freezer to find chocolate penis popsicles. Too hungover for this shit
I woke up on a different floor than I went to sleep on. Can't find my shoes.
She really wants to put my dick in her mouth, and to be honest I really don't want to put it there.
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