Mr. Last Night just informed me I told him to be very quiet when he left this morning and high-fived him as a goodnight kiss. Drunk me is slutty and manly.
Someone just uploaded pictures on facebook of you making out with random girls. I'm telling you because I'm assuming you don't remember anything, but the 236 pictures in the album should give you a good clue.
Don't be a smartass. I'm trying to fuck a guy who's sober. It's more difficult than you think.
i want the original willy wonka imagination song to come on when i take a girl to my room
I won the karaoke contest at the bar last night, when they called my name i was doing blow off the toilet seat, i thought they caught me, i didnt even know there wasa contest
talk of her extensive whoreness has crossed oceans. thats impressive.
I found him in the livingroom trying to soak up broken glass with the clock from the kitchen.
i'm duct taped to my bed with a condom in my hand. something went wrong
I never knew so many sexual things could be done while wearing footie pajamas
I've got a permanent seat at the "Girls who eat their feelings" table this weekend.
Look,the guy had sex w/a Canadian prison guard on the deck of a cruise ship,he could blow any second.
Saw 2 lesbians fist fighting outside the bar tonight. I was startled yet slightly turned on
my new years resolution to eat more toast and mastrubate more often is going well so far.
New life goal: fuck in the shopping cart
The guy i took home was a circus freak. He jerked off 3 times in front me after we had sex. And he came every time.
Randomize
