I feel like i'm in the derek zoolander school for kids who can't read good.
mom just called and i was mid bong hit but i answered anyways coughing and sounding rough she the apologized for waking her little angel up. its 2PM
I told him that all frat guys do it... it was that easy to get him to go down on me.
Dude i thought about you literally the second after I came. This friendship is starting to cross some serious boundaries
I almost had to get my pinky cut off. Wow I'm so happy. We won beer olympics so i didnt hahaha
Yeah but I was the kid who ran over your BMW and is banging your 15 year old daughter... There isn't a cool enough dad in the world to make that work.
Cute underage boy is in my house.
OH MY GOD. DON'T DO ANYTHING. WHY IS HE IN YOUR HOUSE.
My suggestion is that you just get high and set shit on fire
I may or may not have puked in the ladies room. Now I get to convince my client to go to substance abuse treatment. Oh, the irony.
I think my penis runs off weed. I haven't smoked it 3 days and I have no sex drive what so ever
She left a blunt and poutine on my nightstand with a note saying "went to the gym. be ready for round three when I get back" I love Canadian chicks
Alternately I could tell him western classical is just a series of events that had to happen for music to reach the point where Beyoncé was able to pen drunk in love, which is the pinnacle of humanity's artistic achievement thus far
Fuck off. Since when do you love him??
Since he licked my arm to retrieve the macaroni and cheese he dropped. You have to appreciate that
Can't even lie. Mad respect
Are you alone?
No, but I have to leave him in my bed while I go on this date.
How early is too early to start day drinking? Asking for a friend
About five minutes ago. You’re good now.
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