fuck dude i blacked out on a tuesday. what am i doing with my life?
Winning.
i'm in the guys across the halls apartment. i think 7 MIP guy wants me. he just got a medical marijuana card. might be worth it.
yeah, he just sent me a picture of himself with his shirt off.... It didnt turn me on, it just made me want to buy him a big mac....
He walked in, tore open the drawer, pulled out a condom, and slammed it shut. He was that ready.
that girl from work that wants to bone me just said 'the last time i went this long without sex was in jail'. sup, red flag
Oh my Christ. I just came so hard my penis stood back up and took a bow afterwards. I need Thai food.
You have to understand, he didn't so much come out of the closet as he backflipped out of it with an accompanying marching band.
I'm so hungover. I just keep eating the otter pops I'm trying to use to get rid of my hickies.
So heartbroken my rebound has a rebound
Hahahahaha. That's what your stoned ass gets for eating half a bag of processed cheese at 2am.
I would have cried, probably tears of wine, but cried nonetheless.
I peppersprayed myself last night. Sigh.
he brought with him gifts of cookie dough and penis. upgrading our relationship from fwb's to bf/gf was an incredibly smart merger.
"I played a game called "how drunk can you get in a minute" last night. How was your Thursday?"
I take it you're alive?
Mostly. Can't quite control my arms.
Randomize
