is she serious with that outfit? Why doesnt she just paste a for sale sign on her boobs?
how soon is too soon to introduce handcuffs into a relationship?
MTV Made just made me cry. Where have all of my life goals gone?
how do I tell him nicely and in french that we can't have sex anymore because his huge penis will ruin me for other french men?
Woke up with my foot jammed into a VCR
I can't right now...you know Sunday night is whn I get drunk and do laundry.
when life gives you lemons, puke and rally.
I don't know. She kept pirouetting across the kitchen while making dinner. I just sat there stoned.
She went to her drug test stoned.
And strangely enough, we all know she'll pass it.
I want to get "Patrick Kane" wasted tonight
I am one hundred percent down for that
So baked. About to eat a calzone then hate fuck this guy.
THAT'S MY GIRL
Dude, i just watched a drag queen dropkick a motherfucker. this is a good night.
I went to work hungover and threw up in the break room. Told them I was pregnant and then said I quit. I don't have a job now, thanks vodka.
I AM BEING ACCOSTED BY A HUMMING BIRD
I AM IN MILD DISTRESS
Way to fucking accidentally drunk dial me while you're talking to and buying other girls drinks. Don't call me.
Randomize
