So there are ramen noodles in the shower you need to explain...
I'm smoking weed out of a trumpet
I just did a slip and slide down the hall way of my apartment building
Tie
Tears do usually get me what I want. That and oral sex.
you traded sex for a burrito?
I am at a striph cluv. They are ovealls everywhere. I have hot rock botto.
He called me a "functional alcoholic" like its a bad thing.
porn star boner night. come get it.
Turns out getting tied up to two door handles and forced to repeatedly cum is actually a really good ab workout.
Don't make fun of the drunk girl eating bread out of her pockets. I've been that girl.
You were so high you insisted on spoon feeding me your KFC bowl while I was driving.
Was who let the dogs out playing?
Ya. You started barking when it ended
NOT ALL OF US HAVE THE HANDS OF GODDAMN ANGELS YOU KNOW
Idk. The bad part of me thinks it's a good idea. The bad part is also the stupid part.
His penis is the only thing worth pursuing but all the baggage attached isn't.
Uber southern baptist grandma and uber flaming cousin just got into an argument about whether jesus is OK with gay marriage. Aren't these things only supposed to happen at Thanksgiving?
the only fun thing to do here is drink beer and make mistakes. i feel like im in college again
Randomize
