Someone left a shot of disaronno in a champagne glass here this morning... flip a coin?
They're drinking Schnapps out of Spaghetti-o's cans. Please come pick me up.
I haven't even gone in yet. I'm sitting in the waiting room playing a game i like to call "Who else is here for AA".
Yes. Being a lesbian's wingman is a fun as it sounds
HAPPY NEWYEARSM FAGTRON! GETTING HEAD IN TAXI I WIN
Do you know how hard it is to get cum out of a straw hat!?
He insisted on us having sex while watching the biggest loser and asked me if I could "resist the temptation".
hey give me heads up if you're feeling vulnerable tomorrow night
I have a surprise for you
Is it drugs? I want drugs. Or a puppy!
I watched her follow him out of the bar, chase him around the corner and literally throat punch him. It was awesome.
If you already knew specifically that I was smoking a bowl in my remodeled bathroom AND THEN still wanted to initiate sexting, please proceed to the altar and marry me this instant.
Halfway through the night I was hiding in a trashcan. Then I "sobered" up and ran around the house throwing change because I wanted to make my last moments of 2013 charitable.
This tequila is so bad I might cry. I won't Throw up but I might cry
I have no clue how you survived last night but I applaud you. 21 body shots off 9 bodies in under four hours has to be a record.
I just got a rock from a customer. Weirdest. Tip. Ever.
Randomize
