he was on top of me and all of a sudden stopped and starting picking his nose...i asked him if he was okay, he sort of looked confused, and he told me he had a booger that hurt. guess its a good thing i wasnt planning on dating this guy
You yelled "sharpie war!" then jammed it in her ear
Are they engaged or just dating? Girlfriends come and go but the memory of sex at the pool last forever.
TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.
Fuck you, jack daniels. I feel like satan laid an egg in my brain.
I want to take my head off and cuddle with it
Maybe it will forgive me and stop being an asshole
he tried to give me his business card but gave me his health insurance card then realized it and offered to take me to the strip club
A beer is a heart your wish makes!!!
You need to come back and help me drink our beer so the fridge has room for the other beers
I got high and had sex with reindeer antlers on. It was magical and animalistic. Tia the season.
Life's hard when you can't differentiate between retrograde and PMS
Drunk in my hotel room, eating taco bell, and crying at Nicki Minaj's life story.
This is why I keep you in my life.
I don't care. We're going to fuck. And I WONT apologize in the morning. You cheated on me, so you can cheat on her with me.
Can we just take a minute to acknowledge that you're drinking with your gay ex boyfriend's DAD who is a DEACON??
She was blacked out at her own party. It felt good to stand next to her while she laid on the floor and say "vomit does not look good on you."
Randomize
