is sleeping with your Political Science professor Politically incorrect?
Was he helping you 'cram' for your final, or just giving an oral exam?
At the bar dressed as a taco. not a typo. Come down.
I'd really appreciate it if we could dress up as pilgrims and indians for the thanksgiving eve bar crawl
Just woke up and my doorbell is on my nightstand... the fuck?
Its official vodka lemonade jager and whiskey with coorslight is a bad combination of try to forget the work week cocktail ps bring alkaseltzer
I need a thor helmet and I need to find my heavy duty drinking mug
you stuck pieces of bread to your face with peanut butter and asked if it looked like you had a facial yeast infection.
ohhhh that's why they asked me to leave...
I'm trying to puke quietly so i don't ruin my grandma's birthday/my graduation brunch. And you say i need to grow up.
Adding to the list of things I have said out loud at the bar that I shouldn't have: "I am the yoda of sucking dick"
Can I fire a pigeon out of a t shirt gun?
I have a guy for practically everything... except for making me waffles on demand. will u be my waffle guy?
I'm eating a block of cheese like its a sandwich in the tsa line
None of these texts make sense. except for "step 2.5 equals velociraptor." that i get.
We're going through the drive-through at mcdonalds while pulling sam behind us in the wheelchair and having them hand him the food. Let me know how this went in the morning
Let the record show that I hate your ass.
Randomize
