Threesomes are so awesome. You even have company on your walk of shame :)
this is a mass text to all the people i smoke weed with. I have Mono, so if we've shared a bong/pipe. sorry man.
also, made a drinking game out of my birthday photos....drink everytime alcohol is in a photo. going through all 350 of them.
I walked in her room to find her rubbing lotion on her face high as fuck.
God loves me. So high, craving Jimmy Johns chips, looked down, unopened bag in front of me. Still doesn't feel real
you said "this ones for the homies" and proceeded to pour the shot into your other cup instead of the ground b/c "good liquor is not meant to wasted no matter the circumstances"
I just want every freshman guy to know about Grindr just so I can have more options
There's going to be a velveeta shortage. I'm not drunk any more, this is just dire info.
Apparently duct taping your dick to your buttcheks before the first time she goes down on you isn't as funny as projected. She cried because she thought I was a girl the whole time.
That falls under the "unwelcome penises" category. Also that's definitely a sentence I never thought I would say
I don't need this shit right now. I just woke up covered in pistachios
We laughed, we cried, we fucked, we shirked our familial and work related responsibilities. They could make a movie about the last 40 hours of our lives.
and then after the older sorority girl asked me his name she said "he gave me the rest of his mcdonalds and I decided to go home with him. it was the best that I could hope for my night"
it's your last night here, let's make it one we may or may not remember.
(919) the date's not going well. He's on his phone talking about his eBay amine shit...
Randomize
