hey, we don't wanna leave the house because we're watching fireworks on tv. this is america.
too bad they don't have a 'people you may be able to do' thing on facebook. it would save me a lot of fucking time.
stephanie tanner's voice is so fucking annoying. no wonder she resorted to crystal meth.
my dad just said 'either you're lying about your plans tonight or you kids are really lame nowadays'. maybe we should nix the singles saturday slumber party and go to a bar.
You texted the wrong number but that's probably the best call you'll ever make.
He just yelled in the bar, "So I stuck it in two girls butts, why are you bringing that up now?"
considering how much of last night I don't remember and the amount of ones laying on my desk right now, it's safe to say I'm concerned
Things I woke up with this morning: half a mcmuffin, orange hair, one shoe and a friendly german man. Tequila was a brilliant idea.
Tell me why I woke up spooning a hamburger like it was a teddy bear.
Do you know of any good hiding spots in the Atlanta area?
I just want you to know that I think it is hilarious and wonderful that 40s are now your alcohol of choice.
So much rum. So many feels.
We smoked a huge blunt and then laid in bed naked eating strawberry shortcake good humor bars. We have the perfect relationship.
How ya feelin' champ?
Like a million bucks that was soaked in alcohol.
He told me he loved me and I told him I shit myself
I gave her the last ten dollars to my name and bitch comes back with a six pack of bud light and a pack of sour patch kids
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