Seriously, I'd take them all over any of the milfs here...and you know how much that means coming from me
I'm timing the release of my poops to the sound of the machine gun from the video game he's playing in the living room.
You'd think me telling him that I'm a lesbian would make him realize that I don't want to hook up with him.
We've been here 3 hours and the only 1 word answer she didn't give was the drink order. Don't think I'm getting laid tonight
Meet me at the corner of "what the fuck" and"how'd you get in my bed" in 10 minutes.
you seemed to enjoy falling down hill
wow, never heard the last few months of my life put so succint
I believe I won the Golden Vodka Bottle of sadness last night for crying while being party boyed.
Yeah. Let's save our goodbyes for when I'm obnoxiously and embarrassingly drunk and more than likely naked.
And, through a series of unfortunate events, I am at my grandmothers birthday party in a short dress and no underwear
It doesn't feel like real life when you open your hotel room door and the first person you see is wearing a rabbit costume. I'm too hungover for this.
Well I met my booty call's parents by accident, so that happened.
Like its not even midnight and I've already had enough of her for all of 2015
You took acid last night and I’m up early to go to the grand opening of a new TJMaxx by my house. We couldn’t be more perfect.
If you were to to ask if I just hid 4 shooters or Jameson it my bra and panties the anwer would be yes, yes I did
Give me a few. Gonna ride the rollercoaster.
Randomize
