i fell asleep last night with fifteen animal crackers in my mouth. rock bottom dude.
the spit in my mouth is still 99% not mine.
Please tell me how you drunkenly remembered your social security number when we were checking you into the ER.
THEY ARE MY AGE. THEY ARE YOUR LITTLE SISTER'S AGE THIS IS A DELICATE MATTER. CAPS LOCK
To say the least, now you know you're a proper lady, passing a field sobriety test in heels...
You guys better make it up to the cabin in time for mud wrestling on Saturday. I'm not kidding. You know when I joke, and now is not one of those times.
Dude this stripper just dry humped the settings off my phone. She earned that dollar
Also, hurry up because I don't like drinking alone. I'm still doing it, but I don't like it.
im tired of her bring homeless men home when shes drunk. THEY ARE NOT FUCKING PETS!!!!
Your lack of dedication to alcohol is forcing me to drink with my ex husband. U suck
So are you actually going to come fuck me in the ass this weekend, or was that just you being drunk in a kilt?
Well she described you as a "Sex-Viking", which seemed to be only slightly related to the red beard. So things are looking good!
I love you, but it's "shark week" I'll make it up to you with naked breakfast.
He showed up at my house with roses and a bottle of vodka... to watch a movie. obvi i took the vodka and didn't sleep with him
There better be alcohol at this child's birthday party. Seriously not trying to be entertained by a clown while I'm still sober.
Randomize
