in a basement doing blow off a prince dvd next to a chick in a saddam mask
direct quote: "i'm so over my clit" either best or most awkward conversation possible with your COUSIN
its a long story involving jim bean, an owl, and a knife
It was a rude awakening when I turned on my phone and the first thing I saw was a picture of David's dick with a face on it, I need to stop drinking in his basement...
He told me his penis would be a "Sad Panda" if I didn't give it a ride through the jungle.
Careful, it's a slippery slope to discovering you're bisexual...trust me.
I feel like weed makes my smarter. I'm watching the stocks and the way I understand if, do not invest in Yahoo right now because they are not fit for that.
Right as the plane left the gate the brownies kicked in. I dont think the guy next to me appreciated my engine noises as we took off
You called his parrot a seagull, a pigeon and a rat with wings, and told it to go eat Cheetos out of a dumpster.
I'm by the tree and the Dora the explorer balloon .. Look for the Dora the explorer balloon
Im watching animal planet drunk, watching a documentary on mermaids. Tonight has not gone to waste.
Grateful to be alive soliciting dick pics. Thankful i'm alive for these little things and especially these big ones too.
Afternoon delight is playing while I take a shit at mcdonalds
Is someone on their way here yet? I'm way too tweaked to be here alone
So what happened at girls night? My roomate found me passed out locked out on the front steps of the house and it was raining. Yes low moment
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