Maybe we should try and tone it down a notch. The neighbors changed the name of their wifi network to "i can hear you having sex".
She's lying on the sidewalk wailing that she is gonna die alone, with hundreds of strangers watching us, and also we lost Kate, . Please help me
Its become more of a routine.. Whenever I get done eating and have left overs I just take it over to his house and throw it all over the walls and windows. Pay backs a bitch ehhhh
tonight i'm going for the "i fuck with the lights on" look
ok perfect im about to bedazzle our mini keg named hans. he is ready to rage
it's 10:36pm. Do you know where your penis should be?
I told him he was probably the first guy to get fucked while wearing Star Wars pyjamas.
I woke up to 76 pages of e's, r's, d's, and f's from when I fell asleep for 3 hours on my laptop keyboard trying to write that paper.
i would like you to please flash back to us blacked out in the bathroom when you told me i needed to take one for the team and have a threesome with you and jon to help your relationship. you then told me you had no issue putting ghb in my drink to make it happen.
It's not ok to announce to a group of people playing beer pong that a girl put her finger in your butt last night. I now know this
I thought my broken hand would put a damper on Halloween, but fake costume eyelashes and hydrocodone are kinda fun at the same time.
Made out with some dude at the bar last night. Was fun until he thought bohemian rhapsody was by The Who
His mom came while we were asleep naked and started asking me about my plans after high school... Is that even a thing.
It took him 15 minutes to put the condom on.
My professor congratulated me on turning my assignment in early. I didn't have the heart to tell him I only passed it in early cause my sex plans got canceled for the night.
Randomize