mrs. f**** your sons in jail, if you can help with bail please respond, if not please dont tell him i told you.
xbox live and facebook are tricking me into believing I actually have an active social life
Yeah, but I'm out of licorice and there's no way anywhere near here will rent us all mopeds on a Tuesday night.
you won't ask to borrow his earbuds because you think it's gross, but you'll have sex with him?
i was blowing him and "what if god was one of us" came on his playlist. I had to leave
I could tell by the way he was holding my hand that he really liked you
Spent the last thirty minutes staring at the wall with Leah. It's definitly moving
Just mixed my liver cleanse with Bacardi. Best. Thing. Ever.
Tried to dry my shoes in the oven last night.
She was mid-sentence and then BOOM the hammock broke off the tree. I about pissed myself. Hot Sprite and Vodka make the world go round.
I don't know what was up he just kept sitting in his chair smoking weed and watching home movies all night it was weird as fuck.
I'll call it a tollerance break and either will be celebrating my new job with a bowl or will be smoking my sadness away from not getting the job. Either way.
I did stay at work til 5 but for the last hour I was just taking naked pics on my desk for some tinder guy
she prefaced telling me she was pregnant with "houston, we have a problem"
My boob job is like a master key that gets me in any door, any party and anyone’s pants! They’re magical!
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