Too bad my picture didn't come thru. It was one of me naked riding a unicorn with a wizard hat and a magic staff. And the unicorn had wings. And me too.
i've met an abundance of virgins and guys who where flip flops, i thinks there's a correlation
Everytime I am with a guy I hope his penis is as big as yours. It never is. Thanks for setting that bar.
Well I will be attending the wedding with a flask of wine, potentially with a straw, and POM POMS for cheering purposes. Needless to say I will be well lubricated by your arrival..
Someone asked me why we were having sex on the porch last night. All I remember is him saying he wanted the recruits to see. This has got to stop.
I think I'm gonna quit partying for awhile. Piercing my own nose is where I draw the line.
Suddenly I feel like all I did this summer was have sex in our apartment
OH GOD NOT SANTA BABY. NO NO NO. YOU'RE LIKE 85. OMG MULTIPLE WOMEN. NO NO NO STAHP.
I just...no. You make my soul cry. You are giving me karma-cancer. This torture of my majesticness can no longer be tolerated.
We are finally out of the honeymoon stage of the relationship because it turns out that you can't come back from peeing on me in your sleep.
I've seen you dance and let's just say its a good thing you don't have a small dick
Ugh a 13 year old just asked me why people drink, I had to explain it without making it sound good. I need a drink.
He compared my blow job skills to finding gold treasure in a gold chest, so there's that.
I said he looked like a lumberjack and that's when he came. I guess he liked the beard compliment?
I don’t want to brag, but vows, morals and will power are no match for my blow job skills
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