I just said that Oprah is crazy and like 5 fat white girls jumped down my throat. I sat back and smiled.
ii just google-imaged 'sad turtle' and maggie gyllenhaal only came up once. what is the world coming to?
In a meeting with the accounting department. This shit is even more boring in real life and there isn't a professor to wake me up.
Besides, I'm not in my 30's. I'm still allowed to drink wine from a bag.
So he handed us the weed then asked us if we needed any papers. And she goes "i dont know what that means, do we need to sign something?"
both the worst and best vomit ever... it was extra chunky and thick cause of the sausage... but it also tasted like delicious sausage... also cause of the sausage
obviously he has no clue about college dating. it goes drunken sex then the 1st date
She clogged the toilet and got it out with a seven eleven bag. I tried to tell her no but she was convinced that was the logical thing to do.
... thanks for letting me perform minor surgery on myself last night.
I figured if you were smart enough to sterilize with vodka, you could handle it.
He has until sunday, then my legs are officially closed to him
All I want to do is sleep. And If I'm not sleeping, I want to be eating or fucking. I'm pretty sure being pregnant has turned me into a dude.
Fuck that, come home. Let's get drunk and judge people.
Probably won't be invited back there again considering last time his purebred corgi ate my pot brownie and had to be rushed to the hospital.
I'm sorry I tried to spit drugs down your throat like a baby bird last night.
He was so traumatized by the It's a small world ride but he immediately pulled out a flask from god-knows-where and got drunk before the ride was over. The ride operator didn't blame him.
Randomize
