Someone shit on the floor
I left my toothbrush at her house. This is getting way too serious for me.
she refuses to pay for the plan b and so do i. it's the most dangerous game of chicken i've ever been involved in. but i have my pride.
How do you say "I'm not pregnant in Spanish?"
Dude they are all farmers and I'm pretty sure there's a prostitute here.
Can you confirm that Victor fucked a girl for Jack in the Box tacos?
I cannot, but I know he fucked a girl for a Nerf hoop and a "Kingpin" dvd.
youre just mad because i have donuts and im beautiful
I don't remember anything past "we have 15 minutes to drink this keg."
I figured out plans for New Year's and by figuring out I mean I've got a sugar bowl of cocaine. Start at 10?
I was all over the place but at every locale you would pop out of nowhere and hand me a huge drink and say "HAMMERED"
I am the fairy godmother of the drink.
the girl peeing in the stall next to mine has really cute shoes. on a scale of 1 to restraining order, how weird would it be to compliment them from in here?
We decided to make playlists for each other. Do you know any songs that say "sorry I'm not as hot as your prostitute ex?"
It's after midnight. I didn't find the answer to my problem, but I did find the bottom of a bottle of vodka, so... there's that.
My Captain America poster fell down. Cap is disappointed in my life decisions.
He stuck a cigarette in my butt last night. There is no coming back from that.
Randomize
