I cut my penus on the lid.
The seats are awesome but you see two of each player.
maybe almost giving yourself a concussion counter acts a hangover
Fyi when u order four mini bottles of scotch on a 45 min flight. The flight attendants jaw drops to the floor.
I'm currently making some changes in my life. If you don't hear from me anymore, then you're probably one of them. Or I'm dead.
Please stop hiding condoms in my house. If I want to have sex with you, I will let you know. FYI, my mom found the ones hidden behind the milk. She was not happy.
It's a good cause. For your vagina.
I was a battlefield of empty bottles and bodies. We though we won, but the booze had the last laugh.
But yesterday I literally met half his family buzzed wearing a cheeta print bathing suit super short shorts and a tiny tank top.. I was like awesome
How's dinner? Come here? You can bring your boyfriend if you're ok leaving without him
i just got referred to as "the Loch Ness Cockster". God bless my Scottish heritage.
I knew you were cut off when you tried to order a "Phil Collins"
I was desperate and wasn't about to let my cereal get soggy so I ate it on the toilet. Don't let me repeat last night.
I woke up this morning next to my computer with Google search results for "how to put out a fire."
I'm very scared to turn around.
I don't even know if he's actually hot or just hot because he plays hockey..
You did not just say that.
Randomize
