I changed my mind about Tim Gunn. I like him now. Mostly because he said someone's dress looks like a gay t-rex. Or something.
the only difference between me and a prostitute was that i complained a lot more.
Cumbucket.....OH MY GOD THAT COMES UP AUTOMATICALLY NOW!!
Apparently I ran up to the group of cookie-cutter blonde chicks and screamed "Delta Gamma Nuuuuuuu!" really excitedly and tried to hug them and share fake sorority stories with them.
My porch is a mess of peanut butter and tostitos...thanks for that.
so when we were booking the hotel and plane tickets for vegas we reserved a chapel for someone, it's inevitable.
90 In a 65. Talked my way out of it with the i have to poop story. i am the ticket jesus
Stop. He threw up in front of Madison Square Garden security. Spit at the guys feet and grunted ughhh at him.
Do you think the Slutcracker will use the original score? I'll be so sad if they don't.
But I aced my quizzes. Apparently flash card beer pong is an acceptable form of studying.
I think it's a scientific achievement that I can make jelly that is 95% vodka so suck it up.
I should've realized you were drunk when you began to point at my crotch while yelling "Funland!!!"
I told him that if he cleaned the bathroom, I'd blow him. You could eat off the toilet. Seriously, get over here. This is the cleanest you'll ever see it.
it's gotten to the point where I just look in my closet, think, "which article of clothing behaves most like a towel?" and then just go with that
I just got a hug from a random kid in my class. he said I was a champ at the bar last night..someone help me.
Randomize
