Yes give me all the cream and he's gone
I'm totally gay for Miss Californiaaaaaa
oh sweet, sweet irony
I was in a gas station that sold tazers and I just saw a billboard that said "Strippers, need we say more?" God I love Georgia!
I wish there was a "friends who have gained the most weight since high school" filter on facebook for when I am feeling fat.
so today in my theology class we brought up the proper way to have sex. so rough sex was said by the teacher...I said I know a girl that likes to be choked. sorry but everyone knew it was you
So I heard you only slept with me because you were drunk...is that true?
That depends on who this is.
I just reached for my seatbelt when I sat down to pee... Might be a little hungover.
If you do that, i will make all sorts of uncomfortable comments about my nipples being soft
He wanted me to blow him while he did curls and looked at himself in the mirror. Not sure if gay or ego maniac.
things were going awesome until jimmy put out a cigarette in the everclear.
Turns out I hooked up with a chick who has lupus. I don't know if that's a bucket list thing or not, but it's now on mine. Check.
I know but at least you've never been asked to have sex dressed up like Catwoman
My manager gave me an envelope with money in it before he had vacation, and when I asked what it was for, he said it will be his bail money.
We finally gave up searching because everything had started to look like flip flops
Met the hot new neighbor. She's into country music and giving really good bjs. Latter made up for the former.
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