my grandmother thought she vaccuumed up a quarter so she made me open the bag, dump it out on her front lawn, and dig through it. no quarter.
don't get me wrong, i like my boss a lot, but not enough to not bang his daughter
So what if i'm late to spanish tomorrow. who the hell cares. i don't even speak spanish.
Tell me why I keep soberly hesitating to go pee in fear of breaking the seal. Thank you college.
I broke his nose at the bar and he still went home with me.
I have officially had sex in every room on my floor. Don't say I'm not an amazing RA.
Btw, just wanna point out that you've hooked up with two guys whose birthdays are today. Congratulations, you have a type!
There's a fried egg and an empty bottle of reddiwhip in the parking lot. Did you have fun last night?
I can't tell which way is up. Too many corners around his house too. An arbitary assimilation of edges.
Christ, I swear you are the high man's Dr. Seuss.
I can't tell if the dead thing in the yard is a deer or the guy I slept with last night...
Just walk of shamed past a 5 year old on my way out of my booty call. He waved at me. Is this the single life I've been missing?
Did copperhead road at the bar. All the girl next to me did was stare at my glorious bouncing tits. CAN I FUCKING HELP YOU?? I worked hard for these tits.
But can mardi gras accurately capture the essence of my tiny rage?
He called my vagina his wife... how is that NOT creepy?!
When I meet her I'm going to have to resist the urge of saying "hey! We're Eskimo sisters!"
Randomize
