How can I look at her with a straight face when she has dry puke on her eye lid
Hmd? did you really just created an abbrievation for hold my dick?
you were standing in two feet of water, screaming at people walking by to "call river rescue".
Hovering on the line between her being fuckable and me being too drunk to fuck. Life's juggling act in progress here.
Oh I forgot to tell you that while you were in the bathroom last night I made friends with a gay man named Rodger from Venezuela and he kissed me cheek and told me I "knew how to shake my thing". From now on we go to the bathroom as a team.
He knew exactly who I'd slept with after just one look at my crotch. He's like the Sherlock Holmes of cocks.
there is something about beer and popsicles that make the world go round
Halloween is the end of the singles holidays they don't start again until st. Patrick's day we better get wifed up or it's going to be a long winter lol
In the morning he said my plan to make 2 casseroles today was, "hot in a grandma sort of way," & I didn't think it was weird. THAT'S how hot he was.
GO RIDE HIS EYEBROWS INTO THE SUNSET
It's almost sad. It's like the Harambe of vagina stories really.
I found a loose wire in my thermostat. Couldn't find the pliers, so I used a nipple clamp to fix it.
Dude. All I know is that I woke up on the floor with two naked chicks who don't speak English.
Clutch
Looking back, we probably shouldn't have chased alcohol with more alcohol
The hangover struggle is to real, just passed the drive thru window. Twice.
Randomize