On a scale from 0 to 24...wait, 3 to 24, where 6 is the lowest and 12 is the highest, how freaking high re you right now?
hey bro how do you do that fake vagina thing with the tp roll? im bored.
i leave for school in 3 days. if you want your annual goodbye blow job you should probably call me
Some guy seriously just got Jimmy Johns delivered to him at the graduation ceremony. This cannot be real life.
I told the hostess, two bouncers and a manager i was roofied and made them smell my beer. Turns out I just picked up some stupid bitches CHERRY WHEAT beer by mistake. I insisted they replace my lost beer.
Just saw a 300lb woman fall down. Shes screaming like a beached manatee. Her 120lb boyfriend is trying to push her up. It's like watching an infant try to bench
It was horrifying, i havent seen a girls mouth open that wide since that one episode of Goosebumps..
He's used the term "balls deep" 3 times in the first hour. Thanks a lot, Plenty of Fish.
I get that he's ugly and I deserve better but I will still beat up the girls he hangs out with.
I wish i could just live off of margaritas and good sex.
He is peeing inside and sticking up for himself. Those are two of the four signs of the apocalypse.
At least I remembered to wear a bra. I feel like that's a big accomplishment right now
You went to the animal party as a hoodrat. You won the most creative costume contest.
Toppless hop-scotch needs to become a competitive sport
You were throwing up into a trash can full of used condoms. I had to intervine.
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