The next morning she woke up and asked who I was and where she was.
I just came so hard I farted. Twice. Thank God I'm alone.
FUCK TREES I CLIMB BUOYS MOTHERFUCKER
STOP listening to that song
Just had a girl agree to give me a blowjob in exchange for wearing my jacket during class. Talk about successful negotiations. Best day of my life
I just made a friends list on fb of all the guys ive hooked up with. genius.
maybe i'll see you again later :)
I'd rather shit a knife.
What's the most polite way to ask if you puked in my vase?
The couch is in the bathroom. I don't understand how that is even possible. I couldnt even fit that shelf thingy through the door. Come help. I am about to pee my pants.
She had a cast on when I met her, but she blamed me for breaking her arm this morning. I'm gonna marry this girl.
Whatever. I hate you. My vagina hates you. I hope a bird shits on your head today.
Shit my boyfriend's roommate thinks thinks: I love getting woken up to the sound of my roommate getting a blowjob
i gotta stop hooking up with people just to get to their dogs
I slept on her porch...in her dads handcuffs
Should I apologize to him for saying I wanted to punch him in the face as I was digging through the trash?
I really just gave up on masterbating because I'm too tired. I really am getting old.
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