I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
Just took a celebratory "i havent slept with anyone in this bar" shot. yesssss....
You don't even know the meaning of faking an orgasm until you sleep with an uncircumcised ginger.
Sorry I pulled the thermostat off the wall..
so why was i the only one who woke up with ham stuck to my ass?
I was freaked out. No man over 50 is allowed to touch me. Ever. Unless you're Michael Bolton. Then please do.
I kind of drew a blank when the doctor asked me how I got super glue up my nose.
He said to use 30 racks as chairs and then drink til we fall thru the box
I'm pretty sure I got a cavity today due to how many times I've puked hungover at work.
Officially crunch time. It's my last year of grad school and I've yet to get blown in a school library. The parking garage was less than a block away though.
I will never look at a penis the same again. After that I will appreciate them so much more than I do. Makes me wanna kiss yours just for being pretty
Having sex with my girlfriend wearing my old Tom Brady jersey on the day he's freed is the closest I'll come to a 3way with Tom
Hey I'm at the gym and I need your personal trainer help. Also can you send me that picture of me eating a sausage. I want to post it on instgram.
I would like to reiterate that I went to give lessons and ended up having a three way instead
Video on mandys page of you drinking upside down was finally put up...too bad all the comments were about me and him fighting in the background while he screamed "BLOW BIG BETSY!'
Randomize
